Day 405 Feb 24, 2008 Singapore 11.56 hrs

Nicole is back home. Give thanks to God!

Nicole coming back home.

Feb 20, 2008 - 21.47 hrs

Just came back from the hospital.
Nicole is making great progress. She was able to walk in the ward.
Her spirit is high.
She thanks all of you for your prayers.
It is a miracle that she is alive and well.
Another day. Praise to God.

"Come, let us praise the Lord!
Let us sing for joy to God, who protects us!
Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and sing joyful songs of praise."
Psalms 95

Day 401 February 20, 2008 - 0.21 hrs

Nicole's health condition is getting better and better.
She was able to walk and she is in good spirit.
Roby Bathfield celebrated our thanksgiving mass in the room of the hospital where Nicole is staying.

Dr Karmen Wong came by after mass and met with all of us.

She is in the picture with Nicole, Roby and me.

Day 400 Singapore Feb 19, 2008 0.05 hrs

Nicole is recovering very well.
She left the Intensive Care Unit to move into an ordinary hospital room.
She has started to sit and drink juices.

Singapore Feb 17, 2008 - 22.23 hrs

Photo taken by Pascal after the mass yesterday.

Spent time with Nicole this afternoon.
She was resting but recovering in a perfect way.

Another day end. Thank you Lord.

Day 398 Singapore Feb 17, 2008 - 15.31 hrs

Nicole is recovering very well. I spent time with her this morning. Her spirits are high.
I met the surgeon, Dr. S.S. Ngoi who informed that he has removed, as far as he could see, all cancerous tissue. His self assured and self confident nature made Nicole feel that she will be in good hands during the surgery.
Her oncologist, Dr. Karmen Wong, is very satisfied with the outcome of the surgery. Dr Wong has made critical decisions in Nicole's treatment that have produced excellent outcomes.
Dr. Juliana Tan, the anaesthesia doctor, visited her to check if Nicole was coping well with the post surgery pain.
Nicole is using a self administered pain management system, where she regulates the amount of pain control medication according to the pain that she experiences.
The physio also came to help Nicole to start making physical movements.

The team of health care professionals, Dr Wong, Dr Tan and Dr Ngoi are fabulous. We are all impressed by the extreme care and professionalism of the pre op preparation. During the surgery, Dr Ngoi kept us informed as soon as he had removed the tumors. Post op care in the Intensive Care unit is excellent. This is a good example of first world health care.

I am uplifted by the amount of love, care and support by so many persons:

First starting with our sons: while they themselves must have been under a lot of stress, Bert, Nicolas and Greg surrounded Nicole and me with so much love and moral support.

Then the immediate family members of Nicole:
Huguette, Annette, Harold and Jacqueline who gave so much of their time by being with us as soon as they heard that Nicole has to undergo surgery. Their presence by our side have reassured Nicole and assisted her to go into surgery comforted by their love.

Philippe and Ah Pee who travel an entire day to show their caring and give support by visiting Nicole before the surgery.

Christiane and Shirley: They visited her and comforted her. Christiane's love and support was crucial as Nicole felt understood since Christiane knows how someone with cancer felt. They postponed their return to Mauritius on learning about Nicole's surgery.

Of course the prayers of the other brothers and sisters: Yvon, Lewis, Gisele, and the two sisters nuns and their religious communities: Ivy and Jocelyn. Nicole felt strengthened by their love.

Pascal, my nephew, one of our angels, always there when we need it and so discrete.

All our relatives and friends in Mauritius, Singapore and other countries - the Lam and Ah Cham families, the Man Hin and Leong Son families, and my the business friends and partners.

A very special thank to Roby Bathfield. Roby has known both Nicole and me before we were married. Without hesitation, he came to be by Nicole's side when she asked for Roby as soon as she decided to undergo surgery.


During those three and half hours of surgery we were all united in prayer for one sole purpose - that God takes care of Nicole.

What a display of faith, love and unity!

All these persons have shown that the inherent goodness in the human being - the God like nature in humankind.

We have been created in the image of God and all displayed this image of God within us.

The illness of Nicole gave us a glimpse of the Kingdom of God as we all displayed the love of God within us and reached out to each other in unconditional love.

Praise the Lord!

Singapore 19.14hrs

Let us all give praise to the Lord.
The surgery went well. Nicole is now recovering at the hospital.
We shall all give thanks to God at a mass that Roby will be saying soon.
Huguette, Annette, Harold and Jacqueline will join Bertrand, Gregory, Pascal and me for this mass of thanksgiving to God.
On behalf of Nicole and our children, I thank you all who have been praying for us. You have been so supportive in your prayers!

Le Seigneur fit pour moi des merveilles
Saint est son Nom!

Day 397, Singapore, 16 February 2008, 19.00 hours

Surgery is over and successful. Matante nicole is in Icu now.

Day 397 Singapore Feb 16, 2008 - 17.08 hrs

Tumours were removed with success. Surgery is still on and positive.

Day 397 Singapore Feb 16, 2008 - 9.20 hrs

Matante Nicole will be going for surgery at 1pm Singapore time. It will last an estimated 6 hours. Let's pray that things go well.

Day 395 Singapore Feb 14, 2008 - 11.49 hrs

Day 3 in hospital.

Nicole did not have a pleasant night yesterday.
She was in pain and she had difficulty getting the medication she wanted. It looks that there was some communication problem between her and the nurses looking after her. Some of the nurses could not understand English well! The hospital needs to make an effort to ensure that the staff are fluent in English.

She was distraught this morning when I saw her at the hospital.

This is certainly not a good way to prepare herself for the surgery. I am glad that she mentioned this to her oncologist who now ensures that all her instructions are properly understood.

I had a conversation with Dr. Gonzalez who is also in favor of the surgery given the recent findings. He could not explain the growth of the cancer tumor.

I hope Nicole will have a quiet day today.

St Valentine Day.
We remember our good friend Patricia who left us.

Day 393 Singapore Feb 12, 2008 - 23.19hrs

We have the MRI scan and X ray results.
The bad news:

The first tumor continues to grow. There is a second tumor that is growing aggressively.

The good news:
No vital organ is affected!

The oncologist is of opinion that we are dealing with a very virulent form of cancer. She is somewhat puzzled that the cancer has not spread to the other organs.

Given this development, she is recommending surgery to remove the tumors.
We met with the surgeon who saw Nicole last year.
He is of the same opinion. We need to remove these tumors otherwise Nicole could be facing lots of pain as these tumors continue to grow and spread in her lower abdomen.

Nicole is now in Gleneagles Hospital to prepare herself for this major surgery which will be done on Feb 16 at 14.00 hrs Singapore time.

We ask you to join us in prayers.

Day 392 Singapore Feb 11, 2008 - 22.22hrs

Nicole had the MRI scan of the pelvis and abdomen and an X ray of the chest done today. It took more than one hour to do the whole procedure and she came out very tired.

We shall have the results tomorrow.

As you can expect, we are both very anxious waiting for the results.

We are both very concerned about the continuing bleeding of the tumor. Nicole just cannot continue to bleed.

I was so tired after such an anxious period waiting for Nicole while she was having her MRI. I was not in a mood to prepare dinner. We had our lunch at 3.30 pm. So it was such a great gift to received prepared food from friends.

We continue to have friends who are preparing food for us. It is so helpful, particularly when we spend so much time at the hospital.

A great thank you to all the friends for these gifts of love.

Today we had the joy of the visit of Paul from Mauritius and Christopher, his wife and little son.

Tomorrow is going to be a decisive day. The appointment with the oncologist is at 10.00 am.

Nicole will then be admitted to Gleneagles for the blood transfusion and if needed,the chemo.

We are praying and we ask you who are reading this bloc to join us in prayers so that God guide the doctor regarding the treatment that is suited to address Nicole's health condition.

Please continue to pray for Nicole and for our family.

Another day ends. Praise to God.

"Lord, hear my prayer;
let my cry come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
now that I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly."
Psalm 102

Day 391 Singapore Feb 10, 2008 - 14.17 hrs

We are having a good week end so far.
Nicole is taking Tylenol and this is helping her to bring down her fever and feel less pain.

Fortunately she had the insight to ask me to query Dr. Gonzalez about the fever arising from taking the pancreatic enzymes. Her temperature will rise to a maximum of 38-38.5 degree C. Anything above would point to something not related to the enzymes. She can also take panadol to control the fever. We are learning as we follow the protocol.

Christiane and Shirley paid her a visit on Saturday afternoon and Nicole enjoyed the time spent with them.

We had the traditional meal of Chinese New Year - Yu Sheng for Lo Hei last evening. It was the high of our week end. Nicole was relaxed and the three of us, Nicole, Greg and I did enjoy this gift of the Lord.

We are so blessed to have these moments.

However the internal bleeding appears to have increased.

Tomorrow she will have the MRI scan and X ray. Let us hope that we shall have good news.

Day 389 - Singapore Feb 8, 2008 - 22.24 hrs

Day two of the Year of the Rat.

On the eve of the new year, Nicole did not feel well, having high fever.
She had to see her oncologist on the first day of the year of the Rat, after I spoke to Dr Gonzalez. Both doctors came to the conclusion that she was having an infection. She is now on antibiotics - Aveloz and Augmentin. The oncologist also prescribed Celebrex, a pain killer and anti fever drug.

We are having blood and urine culture to identify the type of infections. It looks like both doctors suspect an infection of her kidney.

The oncologist recommended that Nicole has an MRI scan of her lower abdomen and X Ray of her chest on Monday next week.

Nicole has agreed to try another cycle of chemo: one each week for three weeks using the following drugs: Taxol, Cisplatin which Nicole had last year, and Adriamycin. However, she will have to do a blood transfusion first as her red cell count is too low.

Nicole's situation is not looking good. She feels pain and bloated. She has already lost the blood she had a week ago. The oncologist is suggesting that she takes morphine to alleviate her pains.

We shall know the sequence of treatments after the MRI.

Meanwhile both Greg and I are ready in case of an emergency: number to call for ambulance to bring her to Gleneagles Hospital and whom to call.

However, we were able to celebrate Chinese new year, with friends who brought us some nice food and spent some time with us. We talked and laughed. Nicole ate well at lunch time today.

I enjoy these moments of sharing and joy with friends and thank God that we are able to have these moments of love.
Every second with Nicole now becomes so precious.

Another day ends. Praise the Lord.

Day 386 Singapore Feb 5, 2008 - 22.06 hrs

Nicole has not been feeling well since yesterday.
She is now on the 5th day of taking pancreatic enzymes on this cycle. She was having high fever and this morning her body temperature shot up to 39.5 degree. She found her food tasteless, which is understandable as she is having high fever.


Yesterday I consulted a surgeon to find ways to stop her internal bleeding. Unfortunately the surgeon sees no alternative but a major surgery to remove the tumor which is bleeding.
Nicole and I ruled out this option as the surgery is too high risk. Her oncologist also is of opinion that it is too high risk. The risk/reward equation does not favor going ahead with the surgery.

The second option to stop the bleeding is by radiation. Here again, the radiologist-oncologist is of opinion that a radiation will only stop the bleeding temporarily. Given the potential damage to the surrounding organs caused by radiation, the radiologist-oncologist is recommending no radiation. The collateral damage/ reward ratio does not justify radiation.

The third option that I discussed with the oncologist is another treatment of chemotherapy. She believes that it could stop the bleeding. We know the damage that chemo would cause to her immune system, but we are unable to asses the benefit as the chemo will be an attempt with no guaranteed positive results.

Finally the remaining option is to continue following Dr. Gonzalez's treatment and hopefully with time, the enzymes will have the upper hand and the tumor stops bleeding.

However, the doctors in Singapore are of opinion that the tumor is growing and the enzymes are not having any effect on the tumor.

Nicole has been experiencing indigestion,colitis and recently has started feeling a mass when she sits.

We know that the fever is caused by the enzymes. But she been experiencing pains and aches throughout her body.

We are faced with the choice between risking another treatment of chemo or continuing Dr' Gonzalez's treatment.

I am letting Nicole makes this choice as she is the one who is ill and it is her body.

Almost a year ago when she was found with cancer, I made the commitment to her that she is the one who ultimately will be taking decisions regarding her health. I am here as her chief of staff, ensuring that she gets all available information, assist her to weigh all possible options and then wait for her decision.

She is for continuing Dr Gonzalez treatment.

It has been 386 days since we returned to Singapore from New York where we found that Nicole had cancer.

Nicole has been showing extreme courage and will power to face her illness. She has shown a discipline of character, that I have witnessed during our partnership, that leaves me in admiration:
She continues to take almost 200 capsules daily, knowing very well that she would feel sick like a dog. She takes these capsules because she believes that this is the road to her controlling the cancer. She follows a very difficult diet - no meat, particularly no duck and no lamb which she enjoys, no sweets which are her delight - and a lot of raw food - in how many forms can one eats food raw?
And when her physical strength allows her, she regularly will do some physical activities and stretching in order to keep herself in good physical conditions.

She also has the force of character to realize that she might not make it. She has made it a point to spend quality time with each of our sons - sharing whatever she feels are important to share with each.

And we continue to spend some quality time together. Life for me revolves around her and her needs. Her illness is having a transformation effect on me. Slowly God has guided me to accept her illness. I have discovered the true meaning of :"Unconditional Love", to love a person for her own sake expecting nothing in return.
Taking care of Nicole is my way to show her and express how much I love her.
I deeply feel that it is indeed a privilege to love her.

I am so grateful to God that this part of my life journey with Nicole is having such a positive effect on me.
Yes I do feel down at times when I start thinking that she might not make it. But then I said to myself: "live the present moment - live now. Enjoy her presence, give her a massage if she needs it, be present to her - this is the gift of God." And I look at life positively and am grateful that our Lord gives me this insight.

Another day ends.