Day 1077 Singapore December 29, 2009 - 23.36 hrs

Nicole has finished the second cycle of chemo yesterday. The blood counts are holding well. She feels tired easily and she does experience the side effects of the chemo drugs. She will have a one week break and then a blood test to check on the progress made.

Singapore Dec 2, 2009 - 22.36 hrs

To all my family and relatives and friends who read this blog...

Having cancer is like being on a never ending journey.....As you all already know ... I did my first chemo session today..it was not so bad..I'm having two chemo drugs , apparently not so brutal...I may still lose my hair after the 2nd cycle but I think that I'm more prepared for everything this time. The side effects are usually felt after the 3rd day...so we'll see...After I rested this afternoon I went for my daily nordic walking in the botanical gardens...When I was in Germany I discovered nordic walking....I find it really enjoyable..i love it!!

The last year had been full of new experiences for me..I've learnt quite a few things that i think is making me into a different person.

I 'm learning to " let life flow"...I'm learning to let go of "control"...I'm learning to change my thoughts to change my emotions..my .emotions are directly connected to my white cells...which usually can kill my cancer cells...we all have stress ..what's important is the dealing of it...my inner healing mechanism is strong and i must believe in it... Daily relaxation exercises 2 or 3 times a day...is a good way to allow our own body to heal itself...

Well! I may not know how long i may live..but what i'm experiencing now is that life can be lived fully and can be good.

Your prayers I must thank you all..they are a great asset to me. My spirit had been high most of the times...and i'm learning a different way of relating to God...my faith in Him had grown...I no longer feel so scared...He is my shepherd..i don't know where He is leading me but I know He loves me and I trust Him.


Cure for cancer up to now has not been found...conventional as well as complementary are still both struggling ...luckily this time my oncologist in Singapore is more open to communicate to my doctors in Germany and NY. That's a big plus.

Anybody who is a christian and believes in the bible...there is a fantastic DVD called Psalm 23 for people with cancer presented by Ken Curtis (He himself is a cancer patient)...really inspirational...a must have..It can bring you so much hope ....and peace.

I think I'll stop here...thank you all again for your prayers, for your love and affection...Love , Nicole

Day 1050 - Singapore December 2, 2009 - 22.23 hrs

Nicole had a chemo session, the first of this series of 6 cycles. Hopefully she would not have to do the 6 cycles. The session went well and this was done in Dr Wong medical day clinic.
After the chemo, Nicole had lunch at the food court of the hospital. She had a rest and then went for a walk in the Botanical garden.

Our spirit is ok and we were reminded today by Dr Wong that God is the Healer and to put our trust in God.
Another day ends.

Day 1049 - Singapore Decmber 1, 2009 - 0.22 hrs

We saw Dr Ngoi to see if he could do surgery to remove the tumor. Nicole had an MRI done last Thursday. The MRI shows that there are three tumors. Given the size of the tumors, Dr Ngoi is recommending chemo to reduce the size of the tumor before surgery. So we met Dr Karmen Wong who is prescribing Taxol and Carboplatin plus possibly Avastin - she is planning to give chemo in 6 cycles of 3 weeks per cycle - with chemo week 1 and week 2 followed by a break on the third week. Given that she knows we are not too keen on chemo, she asked us to think about the prescription and then decide. We mentioned that we are are going to ask the opinion of Dr Demuth at Hufeland Clinic in Germany and Dr Gonzalez in New York.

I spoke to Dr Demuth. In his opinion, if there is a need for chemo to reduce the size of the tumors, then he is for the chemo, provided that Nicole does not have to have the full six cycles. He thinks that we would see the effect of the chemo on the tumors after three cycles and if the tumors have reduced in size, then Nicole needs to have the surgery to remove them. If there is no significant reduction in the size of the tumors, then Nicole needs to stop the chemo. I was comforted to hear the opinion of Dr Demuth. Nicole can have the Vitamin C infusion prescribed by Dr Demuth while she is undergoing chemo.

We both have to get comfortable with the idea that Nicole has to undergo chemo again. We know the damage done by chemo but at the same time we know that chemo can kill these cancer cells. We hope that Nicole will be able to support the chemo.

Dr Wong asked us to pray so that we can take the right decision and we certainly put our trust in God. While our spirit was down after our meeting with both doctors, we are encouraged by the support that we are getting from family members, relatives and friends.
This is a new stage of our life journey. The Lord is walking with us.