You have read Nicole's posting.
Nothing to add. Another day ends.
Thank you God for this day.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
7p.m. Singapore Tuesday Feb. 27
My dearest friends, family and relatives,
The day is gone mostly...what a day! At 2p.m. i went for a colon hydrotherapy...oh what a relief! I guess my body was able to be cleared of lots of dead cells and toxins produced by the chemo drugs...and i feel so much better.
Maurice and I and Bert we went for a short walk in the botannical gardens to be exposed to some fresh air,nature, and quietude.
Tks a lot for all your prayers and also for the Holy Spirit who guided me to go for that hydroptherapy session today ...this is something that could be started in Mtius...one day..and could be of so much help to the chemo patients.
Only people who have undergone chemo can understand the fatigue, the ill feelings, the depression, the discouragement that u can feel during these times.. in fact our bodies are being bombarded by so much drugs, which kill the cancer cells but also all our good cells unfortunately..
.i wish people would be more educated to eat more healthily in order to avoid our bodies to become acidic and be prone to diseases...Lots to learn...
I must thank God for all the blessings that He's giving us and also specially for all the love, affection , warmth, support and prayers that we are receiving from you all...
God is good...I must trust that He is taking care of me and M. in His own way and things will be wonderful in His time...
Love u all, Nicole
The day is gone mostly...what a day! At 2p.m. i went for a colon hydrotherapy...oh what a relief! I guess my body was able to be cleared of lots of dead cells and toxins produced by the chemo drugs...and i feel so much better.
Maurice and I and Bert we went for a short walk in the botannical gardens to be exposed to some fresh air,nature, and quietude.
Tks a lot for all your prayers and also for the Holy Spirit who guided me to go for that hydroptherapy session today ...this is something that could be started in Mtius...one day..and could be of so much help to the chemo patients.
Only people who have undergone chemo can understand the fatigue, the ill feelings, the depression, the discouragement that u can feel during these times.. in fact our bodies are being bombarded by so much drugs, which kill the cancer cells but also all our good cells unfortunately..
.i wish people would be more educated to eat more healthily in order to avoid our bodies to become acidic and be prone to diseases...Lots to learn...
I must thank God for all the blessings that He's giving us and also specially for all the love, affection , warmth, support and prayers that we are receiving from you all...
God is good...I must trust that He is taking care of me and M. in His own way and things will be wonderful in His time...
Love u all, Nicole
Tuesday 27th Feb, Singapore
Dear relatives, friends and family,
Tks again for your support and your prayers...Since my 3rd and 4th chemo sessions the side effects had not been easy...
Please pray for my inner peace specially...I don't know what God reserves for me..i wish I could be given some more time to live so that i can help other cancer patients, may be open a centre in Mtius for cancer patients , to educate others about nutrition, to supply them with supplements during the chemo treatments etc.etc....whatever i've learned since i'm sick., whatever help i can ..to give it to others.
Lately i've been struggling what to do with my life, now that the children have got their own lives...i seem to think that may be God is giving me an answer to my question through this illness.
But i guess only God knows His plan for me...I can only offer myself to Him everyday but ....i can share with you that this can become so hard sometimes....
Jesus had still been showing His love and care for me...during the last chemo session.. i was very weak and felt totally knocked out..i was half asleep the first 2 hours and i woke up with the image of Jesus carrying me as a little child on his back..i laughed at myself when i saw that image...and I said thank you Jesus.
Mary dressed in a beige attire wanted me to make her known to others..since I'm sick i've learned to pray to Mary ...something that i never knew before..i've been praying to her so that she can intercede near her son for my healing...She cares for us and loves us all, if only we can go to her...she'll bring us to her son...
I had a bad night...slept only 4 hours...pray so that i have a bettter day, in the presence of the Lord.
Keep praying for me...
Love u all, Nicole
Tks again for your support and your prayers...Since my 3rd and 4th chemo sessions the side effects had not been easy...
Please pray for my inner peace specially...I don't know what God reserves for me..i wish I could be given some more time to live so that i can help other cancer patients, may be open a centre in Mtius for cancer patients , to educate others about nutrition, to supply them with supplements during the chemo treatments etc.etc....whatever i've learned since i'm sick., whatever help i can ..to give it to others.
Lately i've been struggling what to do with my life, now that the children have got their own lives...i seem to think that may be God is giving me an answer to my question through this illness.
But i guess only God knows His plan for me...I can only offer myself to Him everyday but ....i can share with you that this can become so hard sometimes....
Jesus had still been showing His love and care for me...during the last chemo session.. i was very weak and felt totally knocked out..i was half asleep the first 2 hours and i woke up with the image of Jesus carrying me as a little child on his back..i laughed at myself when i saw that image...and I said thank you Jesus.
Mary dressed in a beige attire wanted me to make her known to others..since I'm sick i've learned to pray to Mary ...something that i never knew before..i've been praying to her so that she can intercede near her son for my healing...She cares for us and loves us all, if only we can go to her...she'll bring us to her son...
I had a bad night...slept only 4 hours...pray so that i have a bettter day, in the presence of the Lord.
Keep praying for me...
Love u all, Nicole
Monday, February 26, 2007
Day 42 Singapore Feb 26, 2007 - 22.40 hrs
Since yesterday afternoon, Nicole has not been feeling well.
Today has been a painful day for her.
I have been overwhelmed by what she is going through right now. Here is an extract of an email I wrote to one of my very good friend:
"Living what Nicole is experiencing certainly helps me to understand that it must have been very difficult for Joe and his wife to live through this period of their life.
While I deeply wish that a miracle does happen in Nicole's case, I see her illness as a blessing in that it allows us to prepare ourselves for what we all are destined: to die so that our spirit is freed of its physical limitation of our body to be fully in the presence of God.
Having said this, our human condition does challenge us as we have a physical body and a human mind and psyche.
Nicole suffers tremendously, physically - she is so weak that she has no desire to do anything, mentally - "I cannot continue to endure all these pains and psychologically - what if I do not get cured, then I prefer to die early so that I suffer less than to drag on living and suffer". This is our daily challenge. As her husband and life partner, I have always viewed my role as safeguarding her from physical suffering and hardship, ensuring that she enjoys an environment where she feels secure of her future and there was no need to worry of what will happen to her. This model is no longer valid -it is obsolete. I have difficulty finding a new operational model.
Yes I do put my trust in God. I try to let go. But this is not my life. It is not I who is undergoing all this pain. It is not I who is fighting for survival. However, the irony could be that I die before her!
I am taking one day at a time."
May God bless you who reads this blog. Good night.
Today has been a painful day for her.
I have been overwhelmed by what she is going through right now. Here is an extract of an email I wrote to one of my very good friend:
"Living what Nicole is experiencing certainly helps me to understand that it must have been very difficult for Joe and his wife to live through this period of their life.
While I deeply wish that a miracle does happen in Nicole's case, I see her illness as a blessing in that it allows us to prepare ourselves for what we all are destined: to die so that our spirit is freed of its physical limitation of our body to be fully in the presence of God.
Having said this, our human condition does challenge us as we have a physical body and a human mind and psyche.
Nicole suffers tremendously, physically - she is so weak that she has no desire to do anything, mentally - "I cannot continue to endure all these pains and psychologically - what if I do not get cured, then I prefer to die early so that I suffer less than to drag on living and suffer". This is our daily challenge. As her husband and life partner, I have always viewed my role as safeguarding her from physical suffering and hardship, ensuring that she enjoys an environment where she feels secure of her future and there was no need to worry of what will happen to her. This model is no longer valid -it is obsolete. I have difficulty finding a new operational model.
Yes I do put my trust in God. I try to let go. But this is not my life. It is not I who is undergoing all this pain. It is not I who is fighting for survival. However, the irony could be that I die before her!
I am taking one day at a time."
May God bless you who reads this blog. Good night.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Day 41 Singapore Feb 25, 2007 - 9.21 hrs
Sunday - it is a beautiful day outside. Sunny and not too hot. Nicole has been up since 4.30 a.m. She went through her morning routine. She & I had breakfast together. This is the last weekend that Bert is spending with us before heading back to NY city. Time flies.
Nicole is slowly getting over the side effects of the second chemo treatment. Yesterday we had the quick visit of Christopher Easton & family who brought some organic apples. We still remember the time when Christopher first arrived in Singapore for studies. That was some 11 years ago. I told him then that there is a high probability that he will fall in love and marry a Singaporean girl. This proved to be right.
Anna and Alain came by to bring some Mauritian food for us, which we enjoyed tremendously. Pascal and Nathalie stopped by after mass. By that time Nicole was tired and she retired to bed.
These short visits can be a useful break for Nicole, though she tires very quickly. We hope that the visitors understand and do not be disturbed when Nicole retires while they are still here. The same applies to telephone calls. Joceline, Nicole's sister from Canada, has been calling daily. Nicole is happy to talk to her, But there are days when Nicole cannot talk or find the call too long. Jocelyn does understand when Nicole ends a conversation.
This morning Nicole was feeling better than yesterday. However, by the time I am writing here, she is already tired and is now taking some rest. We plan to attend mass at 10.15 hrs at St Ignatius.
Living with a person ill with cancer is a challenging journey. It is love in practice. St Paul says "Love is patient..." Well I am knowing what patience means. For me to cope with the mood swings of Nicole can test my patience. "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." St Paul 1 Corinthians 13 -vii. Now I now what St Paul is talking about. I am happy that I have Faith and have been brought up within the Catholic Faith and tradition. I thank my parents and extended family, the priests that I have had the blessing to know when I was growing up - Fathers Andre Avrillon, Desjardin, Michel D' Arifat, Roby Bathfield and recently starting to know Father Lawrence Freeman.
Have a nice day.
Nicole is slowly getting over the side effects of the second chemo treatment. Yesterday we had the quick visit of Christopher Easton & family who brought some organic apples. We still remember the time when Christopher first arrived in Singapore for studies. That was some 11 years ago. I told him then that there is a high probability that he will fall in love and marry a Singaporean girl. This proved to be right.
Anna and Alain came by to bring some Mauritian food for us, which we enjoyed tremendously. Pascal and Nathalie stopped by after mass. By that time Nicole was tired and she retired to bed.
These short visits can be a useful break for Nicole, though she tires very quickly. We hope that the visitors understand and do not be disturbed when Nicole retires while they are still here. The same applies to telephone calls. Joceline, Nicole's sister from Canada, has been calling daily. Nicole is happy to talk to her, But there are days when Nicole cannot talk or find the call too long. Jocelyn does understand when Nicole ends a conversation.
This morning Nicole was feeling better than yesterday. However, by the time I am writing here, she is already tired and is now taking some rest. We plan to attend mass at 10.15 hrs at St Ignatius.
Living with a person ill with cancer is a challenging journey. It is love in practice. St Paul says "Love is patient..." Well I am knowing what patience means. For me to cope with the mood swings of Nicole can test my patience. "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." St Paul 1 Corinthians 13 -vii. Now I now what St Paul is talking about. I am happy that I have Faith and have been brought up within the Catholic Faith and tradition. I thank my parents and extended family, the priests that I have had the blessing to know when I was growing up - Fathers Andre Avrillon, Desjardin, Michel D' Arifat, Roby Bathfield and recently starting to know Father Lawrence Freeman.
Have a nice day.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Day 40 Singapore Feb 24, 2007 - 9.15 hrs
Second day after chemo Cycle 2 (ii). Nicole appears to be feeling better than yesterday. This morning we went to the 7.00am mass at Novena. Nicole has a morning routine - Prayer, bouncing on the trampoline while drinking a detox drink and drink fiber. Meanwhile she would also drink 3-4 glasses of juice/water.
Her oncologist, Dr Wong, is amazed that Nicole who is undergoing chemo can still jump on the trampoline daily. This morning while Nicole was on the trampoline, I was slumbering on a sofa in the same room. She had more energy than I.
We are taking it easy this morning with Nicole resting.
We received three very supportive and warm emails - from Joyce Liu, Loulou Leong Son and Jean Wan, my high school friend.Both Nicole and I are grateful to read such emails and are touched by these expressions of love and caring. In these days of the Internet, we find that the Internet allows closeness and bonding among persons and reduces the world into a small village. Our life would have been very different without the Internet. We would not have been able to share with you our day to day life journey.
Nicole keeps reminding me to ask you to pray.Please pray for us and particularly for Nicole's complete healing. Miracle does happen!
Her oncologist, Dr Wong, is amazed that Nicole who is undergoing chemo can still jump on the trampoline daily. This morning while Nicole was on the trampoline, I was slumbering on a sofa in the same room. She had more energy than I.
We are taking it easy this morning with Nicole resting.
We received three very supportive and warm emails - from Joyce Liu, Loulou Leong Son and Jean Wan, my high school friend.Both Nicole and I are grateful to read such emails and are touched by these expressions of love and caring. In these days of the Internet, we find that the Internet allows closeness and bonding among persons and reduces the world into a small village. Our life would have been very different without the Internet. We would not have been able to share with you our day to day life journey.
Nicole keeps reminding me to ask you to pray.Please pray for us and particularly for Nicole's complete healing. Miracle does happen!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Singapore Feb 23, 2007 - 10.42 hrs
Suzanne
Thank you for your comments. Please do continue to post your comments. You are very kind to remind us that Nicole is a great person. She is a valuable life partner to me. I do not regret my choice! But more importantly I thank Nicole for having chosen me as her life partner. As you mentioned she is a very beautiful person and very attractive also.
Christopher,
Thank you for your suggestions and offer of assistance.
Yes we are using a low speed juicer that removes all the fiber. We are going to call on you for assistance. You can count on it.
I am very encouraged to see the younger generation being so generous of their time. You are living witness of the goodness of man and of God living in you.
" Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you...For I was ... ill, and you cared for me,..." Mathew 31, 34-39.
Thank you for your comments. Please do continue to post your comments. You are very kind to remind us that Nicole is a great person. She is a valuable life partner to me. I do not regret my choice! But more importantly I thank Nicole for having chosen me as her life partner. As you mentioned she is a very beautiful person and very attractive also.
Christopher,
Thank you for your suggestions and offer of assistance.
Yes we are using a low speed juicer that removes all the fiber. We are going to call on you for assistance. You can count on it.
I am very encouraged to see the younger generation being so generous of their time. You are living witness of the goodness of man and of God living in you.
" Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you...For I was ... ill, and you cared for me,..." Mathew 31, 34-39.
Day 39 Singapore Feb 23, 2007 - 8.57 hrs
Nicole finished her second cycle of chemo yesterday. She did not feel well at all but fortunately there was no incident during the chemo.
We had a long discussion with Dr. K. Wong regarding the course of treatment going forward. Nicole is of opinion that the chemo drugs will gradually weaken her and when the drugs are no longer effective, then there will be no other alternative with a body that is already too weak. Nicole would like to stop chemo after the second cycle.
Dr Wong was quick to point out that Nicole is implying that she wants to pursue alternative treatment instead of chemo. She further pointed out that the chemo is for palliative purpose. THERE IS NO CURE FOR CANCER. She is addressing the most urgent issue which is to manage the tumor so that Nicole would not have to suffer later due to the growth of the tumor. And for this, Dr Wong pointed out that the Chemo drugs are working and she would like Nicole to continue this course of treatment until the disadvantages of the drugs outweight the benefits. Then we could explore surgery or radiation. Dr Wong recommended that Nicole finishes the second cycle and then we shall evaluate the situation. She even recommended that Nicole seeks the opinion of the surgeon for possible surgery to remove the tumor. Dr Wong believes that the it will take a longer time for cancer cells to grow again once we have reached the level where the chemo drugs have reached a plateau in terms of effectiveness. Whereas, according to Dr Wong, if Nicole stops chemo before that point, there is a high probability that the cancer cells growing again will happen within a shorter period.
It was indeed a very frank discussion and we both appreciated Dr. Wong's openness and willingness to listen to Nicole. What a great doctor! But quite a character!
Conclusion: Only a miracle will cure Nicole of the cancer!
Nicole blood count is holding well.
Nicole will meet Dr Wong on March 8 for the evaluation before we decide the next course of treatment.
This morning Nicole is feeling a little weak but Ok. I am ensuring that she takes supplements and plenty of juice. Praise to God for all the blessings and love that we are getting from so many of you.
We had a long discussion with Dr. K. Wong regarding the course of treatment going forward. Nicole is of opinion that the chemo drugs will gradually weaken her and when the drugs are no longer effective, then there will be no other alternative with a body that is already too weak. Nicole would like to stop chemo after the second cycle.
Dr Wong was quick to point out that Nicole is implying that she wants to pursue alternative treatment instead of chemo. She further pointed out that the chemo is for palliative purpose. THERE IS NO CURE FOR CANCER. She is addressing the most urgent issue which is to manage the tumor so that Nicole would not have to suffer later due to the growth of the tumor. And for this, Dr Wong pointed out that the Chemo drugs are working and she would like Nicole to continue this course of treatment until the disadvantages of the drugs outweight the benefits. Then we could explore surgery or radiation. Dr Wong recommended that Nicole finishes the second cycle and then we shall evaluate the situation. She even recommended that Nicole seeks the opinion of the surgeon for possible surgery to remove the tumor. Dr Wong believes that the it will take a longer time for cancer cells to grow again once we have reached the level where the chemo drugs have reached a plateau in terms of effectiveness. Whereas, according to Dr Wong, if Nicole stops chemo before that point, there is a high probability that the cancer cells growing again will happen within a shorter period.
It was indeed a very frank discussion and we both appreciated Dr. Wong's openness and willingness to listen to Nicole. What a great doctor! But quite a character!
Conclusion: Only a miracle will cure Nicole of the cancer!
Nicole blood count is holding well.
Nicole will meet Dr Wong on March 8 for the evaluation before we decide the next course of treatment.
This morning Nicole is feeling a little weak but Ok. I am ensuring that she takes supplements and plenty of juice. Praise to God for all the blessings and love that we are getting from so many of you.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Day 37 Singapore Feb 21, 2007 - 20.28hrs
Ash Wednesday. Huguette and Bobby left us for Mauritius. We thank them very much for spending time with us and helping us. But more importantly we thank them for their emotional support. Nicole feels much more closer with both Annette and Huguette. The three sisters have shared a lot and Nicole rediscovered her two sisters.
Nicole was still not feeling well. She went to the doctor's place to have a sample of her blood taken. This is now a weekly routine. The doctor is following her white cell count and level of platelets. We shall know the result tomorrow before undergoing the second chemotherapy treatment of this second cycle. Nicole is dreading this session. She is very afraid of the chemo treatment. Please pray for her.
We went to mass at 12.15 at Novena. The church was packed. Today the Christian world starts 40 days of Lent period, a special moment where when we pray, fast and do charity for the redemption of our soul. It is also a special time to become more aware of the presence of God in our life. I am entering Lent acutely aware of the need to make Christ the centre of my life. How? First and foremost by focusing on Nicole, her needs for love, support and care.
After mass, we spend time at home.
I prepared some food for both lunch and dinner.
I have put Nicole back on the diet to fight cancer - lot of fluid - 2 liters per day made up of water and lot of freshly squeeze juice: apple, carrot, beet and cucumber. Together with live food : raw vegetables or half cooked vegetables, all finely chopped so that it is easier to digest. The whole idea is to reduce the stress on her body caused by the need to digest food. No meat, no eggs, no dairy products and no sugar. The idea is to make her body regain the normal ph of 6.5 - 7.0, reduce the amount of mucus as cancer cells thrive in a mucus environment and on sugar.Nicole also takes digestive enzymes when she eats.
We try to have an early dinner. Today we finished dinner at 20.00 hrs.
My spirit was uplifted by a very supportive and caring email from my friend Georges from Mauritius. Both Nicole and I thank you Georges.
Another day ends.
Nicole was still not feeling well. She went to the doctor's place to have a sample of her blood taken. This is now a weekly routine. The doctor is following her white cell count and level of platelets. We shall know the result tomorrow before undergoing the second chemotherapy treatment of this second cycle. Nicole is dreading this session. She is very afraid of the chemo treatment. Please pray for her.
We went to mass at 12.15 at Novena. The church was packed. Today the Christian world starts 40 days of Lent period, a special moment where when we pray, fast and do charity for the redemption of our soul. It is also a special time to become more aware of the presence of God in our life. I am entering Lent acutely aware of the need to make Christ the centre of my life. How? First and foremost by focusing on Nicole, her needs for love, support and care.
After mass, we spend time at home.
I prepared some food for both lunch and dinner.
I have put Nicole back on the diet to fight cancer - lot of fluid - 2 liters per day made up of water and lot of freshly squeeze juice: apple, carrot, beet and cucumber. Together with live food : raw vegetables or half cooked vegetables, all finely chopped so that it is easier to digest. The whole idea is to reduce the stress on her body caused by the need to digest food. No meat, no eggs, no dairy products and no sugar. The idea is to make her body regain the normal ph of 6.5 - 7.0, reduce the amount of mucus as cancer cells thrive in a mucus environment and on sugar.Nicole also takes digestive enzymes when she eats.
We try to have an early dinner. Today we finished dinner at 20.00 hrs.
My spirit was uplifted by a very supportive and caring email from my friend Georges from Mauritius. Both Nicole and I thank you Georges.
Another day ends.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Day 36 Singapore February 20, 2007 - 21.10hrs
Today we celebrate our 36th wedding anniversary. On waking up I wished Nicole a happy anniversary. Her reply was most revealing of her state of mind" Will I see our 37th wedding anniversary?". It was about 3.30 am this morning. Nicole was obviously not in a good spirit. She was not feeling well. She was feeling tired of the efforts she has to make to live with her illness. Suddenly, she was losing hope. She was feeling irritated. She even could not pray.
I was feeling helpless, unable to comfort her. I managed to encourage her to go to church. Huguette and Bobby joined us and we went to St Ignatius church to attend mass at 8.00 am. After mass, we paid a visit to Maud. This was somewhat a welcome break. Back home, Nicole could not rest. She was feeling a lot of pain and felt very distressed. She started to question the utility of the chemo therapy. Fortunately, a massage in the afternoon at the American club soothed her. Still she was not feeling well. After an early dinner, I sat with her, just holding her. She finally felt asleep, due to the sleeping tablet that she took.
It is difficult for me to fathom what Nicole is feeling. To be afflicted with cancer and to know that these cancer cells are attacking her body is a terrible emotional stress. She at times surely is angry that she is fighting for her life while I am physically fit and worst while I neglect my body by not doing some exercises. Which was the case this morning. She was jumping on the trampoline and I was sitting at my computer. She was upset that I was at my computer instead of exercising.
I also could not stop myself from thinking that this could be our last wedding anniversary together. I paid particular attention to every single minute of this day, paying attention to Nicole, how she feels, what she does and enjoying her presence. It was not easy given her state of mind and her mood today.
The few moments I was alone, I had flashes of our married life during these last 36 years. Our many moments of happiness, but also some painful memories. It is only when confronted with the serious illness of one's life partner that I realize how futile were the issues over which we had been fighting in the past. So much time wasted because of my ego. We both got married carrying our emotional baggage from our past. Unfortunately we did not have much guidance in dealing with these emotional baggage. Nicole used to say that it is only when we come to terms with our childhood wounds that we can relate in an adult way with each other. Well for me, it is also the ego. This unconscious inner self which hides my true self, reacting according to scripts learned when I was a child and which are no longer appropriate in an adult setting. My sense of reality gets distorted by what goes on in my inner theater.
Well the illness of Nicole is causing me to question the way I look at our relationship and at life. Why are we on this earth? Nicole was asking this question? What is God's plan for her? Has she been able to accomplish it? How can she accomplish it if she does not know what's the plan?
Her illness is definitely prompting me to prepare myself for my own death. Can I die today in peace, knowing that I have accomplished what I was supposed to have accomplished here? I do not know the answer.
It is time to find the answer!
I was feeling helpless, unable to comfort her. I managed to encourage her to go to church. Huguette and Bobby joined us and we went to St Ignatius church to attend mass at 8.00 am. After mass, we paid a visit to Maud. This was somewhat a welcome break. Back home, Nicole could not rest. She was feeling a lot of pain and felt very distressed. She started to question the utility of the chemo therapy. Fortunately, a massage in the afternoon at the American club soothed her. Still she was not feeling well. After an early dinner, I sat with her, just holding her. She finally felt asleep, due to the sleeping tablet that she took.
It is difficult for me to fathom what Nicole is feeling. To be afflicted with cancer and to know that these cancer cells are attacking her body is a terrible emotional stress. She at times surely is angry that she is fighting for her life while I am physically fit and worst while I neglect my body by not doing some exercises. Which was the case this morning. She was jumping on the trampoline and I was sitting at my computer. She was upset that I was at my computer instead of exercising.
I also could not stop myself from thinking that this could be our last wedding anniversary together. I paid particular attention to every single minute of this day, paying attention to Nicole, how she feels, what she does and enjoying her presence. It was not easy given her state of mind and her mood today.
The few moments I was alone, I had flashes of our married life during these last 36 years. Our many moments of happiness, but also some painful memories. It is only when confronted with the serious illness of one's life partner that I realize how futile were the issues over which we had been fighting in the past. So much time wasted because of my ego. We both got married carrying our emotional baggage from our past. Unfortunately we did not have much guidance in dealing with these emotional baggage. Nicole used to say that it is only when we come to terms with our childhood wounds that we can relate in an adult way with each other. Well for me, it is also the ego. This unconscious inner self which hides my true self, reacting according to scripts learned when I was a child and which are no longer appropriate in an adult setting. My sense of reality gets distorted by what goes on in my inner theater.
Well the illness of Nicole is causing me to question the way I look at our relationship and at life. Why are we on this earth? Nicole was asking this question? What is God's plan for her? Has she been able to accomplish it? How can she accomplish it if she does not know what's the plan?
Her illness is definitely prompting me to prepare myself for my own death. Can I die today in peace, knowing that I have accomplished what I was supposed to have accomplished here? I do not know the answer.
It is time to find the answer!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Singapore Feb 19,2007 -19.36hrs
It has been an up & down day for Nicole.The chemo side effects are causing her mood to swing. At times,she was discouraged. She found the food to be tasteless. I prepared some Indian food to get her some spicy food and a good guacomole with the avocado from Mauritius.
We have just finished dinner with Huguette and Bobby. It is always a joy to have the company of Huguette and Bobby.
Fortunately Nicole is eating. We hope she will not lose weight. She is also taking a lot of supplements. She is also managing her eating so that her body pH becomes alkaline. Singapore is a convenient place as it is easy to find the food supplements and organic food to complement the chemo treatment.
We have just finished dinner with Huguette and Bobby. It is always a joy to have the company of Huguette and Bobby.
Fortunately Nicole is eating. We hope she will not lose weight. She is also taking a lot of supplements. She is also managing her eating so that her body pH becomes alkaline. Singapore is a convenient place as it is easy to find the food supplements and organic food to complement the chemo treatment.
Singapore Feb 19, 2007 - 12.40 hrs
Nicole wanted this picture posted - picture taken on Chinese New Year with Bertrand.
In the foreground, the flowers brought from Mauritius.
Day 35 Singapore Feb 19, 2007 - 11.53 hrs
Day 2 of the Chinese New Year. Nicole has been feeling the side effects of the chemo drugs. Food has no taste and she has mood swings - her spirits are up and down. She is putting a courageous face , going through the reunion dinner and Chinese new year day. She is also experiencing some pains. For the last two nights, she took pain killer pills and sleeping tablets.
We had the joy of welcoming Bertrand who flew in from New York on Saturday Feb 17 morning.
Today we are welcoming Christiane and Shirley for lunch that Huguette and Bobby have prepared.
Greg called us from New York to wish us a happy new year!
Tomorrow Feb 20th is our wedding anniversary - 36th.
We asked you to pray specially for us tomorrow.
I ask all couples reading this blog to pay a special attention to your married life during this day and to take the time to express your love and caring for each other. May God continue to bless you and your family.
We had the joy of welcoming Bertrand who flew in from New York on Saturday Feb 17 morning.
Today we are welcoming Christiane and Shirley for lunch that Huguette and Bobby have prepared.
Greg called us from New York to wish us a happy new year!
Tomorrow Feb 20th is our wedding anniversary - 36th.
We asked you to pray specially for us tomorrow.
I ask all couples reading this blog to pay a special attention to your married life during this day and to take the time to express your love and caring for each other. May God continue to bless you and your family.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Day 32 Singapore Feb 16, 2007 - 21.43 hrs
We are in the Chinese New Year mood. Nicole insisted that we celebrate this Chinese New Year as we normally do. So I bought ingredients for our favorite dishes: Chinese sausages, sea cucumber, roasted suckling pig, Salmon Yusheng, century old eggs with pickled ginger, abalone and plenty of vegie. So tomorrow evening new year's eve, we are going to have our traditional family reunion dinner with Bobby, Huguette, Pascal and Bert, who is flying in from New York tomorrow morning. Nicole has invited Elizabeth but we have not heard from her.
We are going to welcome the year of the Golden Pig. I am born a year of the pig. So it is going to be a great year for me.
Nicole is really enjoying the presence of her sisters. Huguette is still here. And Nicole loves her company. Bobby is great fun. You should hear his comments about colon hydrotherapy! We Mauritians have very creative imagery.
On a serious note, Nicole seems to be withstanding well the chemo therapy. She is full of energy today and even went out shopping. She is in good spirit. God has blessed her. She has attained an inner peace and has no more fear since the mass at Peter's place. She has experienced the presence of the Lord, reminding me of the scene of the Transfiguration. Peter mentioned that it was so nice that he proposed that they erected tents to stay on top of the mountain. Well Nicole experienced the same presence of the Lord, enveloped in a "bubble" where she was oblivious to the presence of other persons around her. All her fears disappeared and she was a different person. Well since then, she is a different person. She has reached a different level of awareness.
I also am finding walking this journey with Nicole to be a grace from God. Yes, I am serious. In spite of the uncertainty of this journey - is Nicole going to be able to have a remission? - I am discovering the good in the human being. So many persons have informed us of their support, thoughts, and prayers - this across all religions from Islam, Hinduism and Christianity. Nicole and I find ourselves united in spirit with all these persons - in communion - praying and united together with the divine energy. I could feel this energy radiating its healing power. I am now more aware of the presence of the Lord in my life. I look at every person I meet with a new look. It does change my life, am more aware of the now. I live more the present moment. It is as if I have been sleeping and living in a dream all this time. Suddenly the illness of Nicole woke me up and I am now fully alive. It is a pity that I needed Nicole's serious illness to trigger this when I could have lived more fully before. Any way, I cannot undo the past and there is no need to waste my time worrying about the past.
I am now trying to live my life fully with Nicole - every single day!
Nicole is presently having the joy of talking to Marga via the telephone. Some good laughs!
Thank God for these moments of joy.
We are going to welcome the year of the Golden Pig. I am born a year of the pig. So it is going to be a great year for me.
Nicole is really enjoying the presence of her sisters. Huguette is still here. And Nicole loves her company. Bobby is great fun. You should hear his comments about colon hydrotherapy! We Mauritians have very creative imagery.
On a serious note, Nicole seems to be withstanding well the chemo therapy. She is full of energy today and even went out shopping. She is in good spirit. God has blessed her. She has attained an inner peace and has no more fear since the mass at Peter's place. She has experienced the presence of the Lord, reminding me of the scene of the Transfiguration. Peter mentioned that it was so nice that he proposed that they erected tents to stay on top of the mountain. Well Nicole experienced the same presence of the Lord, enveloped in a "bubble" where she was oblivious to the presence of other persons around her. All her fears disappeared and she was a different person. Well since then, she is a different person. She has reached a different level of awareness.
I also am finding walking this journey with Nicole to be a grace from God. Yes, I am serious. In spite of the uncertainty of this journey - is Nicole going to be able to have a remission? - I am discovering the good in the human being. So many persons have informed us of their support, thoughts, and prayers - this across all religions from Islam, Hinduism and Christianity. Nicole and I find ourselves united in spirit with all these persons - in communion - praying and united together with the divine energy. I could feel this energy radiating its healing power. I am now more aware of the presence of the Lord in my life. I look at every person I meet with a new look. It does change my life, am more aware of the now. I live more the present moment. It is as if I have been sleeping and living in a dream all this time. Suddenly the illness of Nicole woke me up and I am now fully alive. It is a pity that I needed Nicole's serious illness to trigger this when I could have lived more fully before. Any way, I cannot undo the past and there is no need to waste my time worrying about the past.
I am now trying to live my life fully with Nicole - every single day!
Nicole is presently having the joy of talking to Marga via the telephone. Some good laughs!
Thank God for these moments of joy.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Singapore Feb 15, 2007 - 22.06 hrs
Nicole and I thank you very much for your prayers. We believe that a miracle has already happened!
Singapore Feb 15, 2007 - 22.06 hrs
Valentine DayWe celebrated Valentine Day soberly at the American Club in the company of Huguette and Bobby.
Singapore Feb 15, 2007 - 21.29 hrs
Nicole has a quiet and peaceful chemo session today.
She returned home in good spirit.
We thank God for His Blessings. The good news regarding the positive effects of the chemo drugs was a booster of our moral this morning. Doctor Wong said that it is God's will that the chemo drugs work and give thanks to God. What a doctor! Believing in the work of the Creator through the medicine that she practices. Before Nicole started her second cycle of chemo, Dr Wong and both of us prayed that the chemo drugs continue to work .
She returned home in good spirit.
We thank God for His Blessings. The good news regarding the positive effects of the chemo drugs was a booster of our moral this morning. Doctor Wong said that it is God's will that the chemo drugs work and give thanks to God. What a doctor! Believing in the work of the Creator through the medicine that she practices. Before Nicole started her second cycle of chemo, Dr Wong and both of us prayed that the chemo drugs continue to work .
Day 31: Singapore/Thu 15 Feb 07/2.23pm
Just got an SMS from tonton Maurice: Encouraging news. Tumour has shrunk by 2/3. Lesion of liver also reduced. Tumour markers reduced by 60 percent. Both us and doctor praise God our Father and the Lord for this improvement.
This is certainly an encouragement. Let's still keep our hope and keep matante Nicole in our prayers.
Carpe Diem!
This is certainly an encouragement. Let's still keep our hope and keep matante Nicole in our prayers.
Carpe Diem!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Day 30: Singapore/Wed 14 Feb 07/10.20pm
It's been a while since I last posted something. Last night, two family friends were there with Annette and Huguette. It was a very fun evening when we 'managed to sing' a few songs. It is quite interesting to see the sisters dynamics and "wavelengths" in action. It was entertaining!!
Today, matante Nicole looks much stronger. Annette and Huguette have kept feeding her with good food ever since they have been in Singapore. And when I visited them this evening, she was doing some housechores and preparing her own juice.
She went for scan today and the results would only be known tomorrow. Matante Nicole will also have her 3rd chemo session. Let's pray that everything goes well.
Today, matante Nicole looks much stronger. Annette and Huguette have kept feeding her with good food ever since they have been in Singapore. And when I visited them this evening, she was doing some housechores and preparing her own juice.
She went for scan today and the results would only be known tomorrow. Matante Nicole will also have her 3rd chemo session. Let's pray that everything goes well.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Day 27 - Mauritius Feb 11, 2007 - 19.52hrs
I am in Mauritius since yesterday afternoon.
Nicole encouraged me to travel to take care of a few matters in Mauritius. While I was in the air, Nicole attended a healing mass at St Ignatius church and then had a meal with her friends of the Ladies Group. Nicole mentioned that she did enjoyed both the experience of the healing mass and meeting her friends.
Today Sunday, Nicole had the joy of meeting a friend from London and her husband. Both are visiting Singapore. In the afternoon, Nicole visited a very good friend from Egypt, who is now living in Singapore.
When I called her this afternoon (Mauritius time) she mentioned that she was feeling a little tired, but was feeling better after having prayed together with Annette and Huguette.
On my side, I was pleasantly surprised to see Gilbert at the flat with some food when I arrived. In addition, he later brought some food for me for dinner. I was very touched by his caring. Thank you Gillie for your gift.
I spent Saturday afternoon with Bob who helped me understanding myself and what I am going through. Both Nicole and I are grateful to God of the gift of having Bob.
Sunday, I spent some time with one of our neighbors and had lunch with Bob at Antoine's place. Antoine was very welcoming, caring and supportive. I enjoyed his witty remarks. He gave us a book "Chasing Daylight" which he highly recommends. Thank you Antoine for your love and also for the good food! Another gift from God.
I spent the afternoon with a very good and special friend, Jean-Claude. Jean-Claude was kind enough to share his experience with me. Jean-Claude's wife died from her illness of cancer in May 2006. It was a very moving sharing and I benefited from his sharing and his advice. I shall retain that Nicole's wishes and desires have priority. He insisted that I make sure that Nicole attends the graduation of Gregory., even if we have to postpone a chemo cycle. Thank you Jean-Claude for this gift of love.
Both Nicole and I feel that we have been blessed by God and we continue to be blessed by Him. Nicole is experiencing the love of God from all the persons - family members, relatives and friends - who are expressing their love and support and are praying for both of us. We also had the joy to learn that Nicolas has been admitted to the MBA program of Columbia University graduate school of business.
It has been a good week-end!
Nicole encouraged me to travel to take care of a few matters in Mauritius. While I was in the air, Nicole attended a healing mass at St Ignatius church and then had a meal with her friends of the Ladies Group. Nicole mentioned that she did enjoyed both the experience of the healing mass and meeting her friends.
Today Sunday, Nicole had the joy of meeting a friend from London and her husband. Both are visiting Singapore. In the afternoon, Nicole visited a very good friend from Egypt, who is now living in Singapore.
When I called her this afternoon (Mauritius time) she mentioned that she was feeling a little tired, but was feeling better after having prayed together with Annette and Huguette.
On my side, I was pleasantly surprised to see Gilbert at the flat with some food when I arrived. In addition, he later brought some food for me for dinner. I was very touched by his caring. Thank you Gillie for your gift.
I spent Saturday afternoon with Bob who helped me understanding myself and what I am going through. Both Nicole and I are grateful to God of the gift of having Bob.
Sunday, I spent some time with one of our neighbors and had lunch with Bob at Antoine's place. Antoine was very welcoming, caring and supportive. I enjoyed his witty remarks. He gave us a book "Chasing Daylight" which he highly recommends. Thank you Antoine for your love and also for the good food! Another gift from God.
I spent the afternoon with a very good and special friend, Jean-Claude. Jean-Claude was kind enough to share his experience with me. Jean-Claude's wife died from her illness of cancer in May 2006. It was a very moving sharing and I benefited from his sharing and his advice. I shall retain that Nicole's wishes and desires have priority. He insisted that I make sure that Nicole attends the graduation of Gregory., even if we have to postpone a chemo cycle. Thank you Jean-Claude for this gift of love.
Both Nicole and I feel that we have been blessed by God and we continue to be blessed by Him. Nicole is experiencing the love of God from all the persons - family members, relatives and friends - who are expressing their love and support and are praying for both of us. We also had the joy to learn that Nicolas has been admitted to the MBA program of Columbia University graduate school of business.
It has been a good week-end!
Friday, February 9, 2007
Singapore Feb 9th - 21.55hrs
We are still up.
We had a good day. Nicole is in good shape and good mood. The three sisters are finishing the day singing some oldies. We are going to call it a day by praising and thanking God for this wonderful day.
We had a good day. Nicole is in good shape and good mood. The three sisters are finishing the day singing some oldies. We are going to call it a day by praising and thanking God for this wonderful day.
Singapore Feb 9th - 19.25hrs
Today we had the joy of meeting Christiane, her sister and Shirley after mass at Novena church. 
We then went for dinner at the American Club eating the traditional "Yusheng" dish of the Chinese New Year. I was the only male sitting at the table. (very silent!) Impossible to speak a word. Now I start to understand a little why women can have lunch until late in the afternoon!
We then went for dinner at the American Club eating the traditional "Yusheng" dish of the Chinese New Year. I was the only male sitting at the table. (very silent!) Impossible to speak a word. Now I start to understand a little why women can have lunch until late in the afternoon!
Day 25 Singapore Feb 9, 2007 - 19.19 hrs
Nicole with Huguette and Annette - picture taken on Feb 7th.
Thank you both Huguette and Annette for your supportive presence and great help.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Singapore February 7th, 2007 - 22.50 hrs
We just came back after a night out. We had dinner at a friend's place. It was very enjoying and relaxing. Lots of good food! We Mauritians know how to eat.
We had a quiet morning and went to Novena church for the noon mass. Nicole wanted to attend mass today.
I went out to have coffee with a friend who is visiting from San Francisco. I enjoyed catching up with him over coffee at the American club.
We had a good day and we thank God for His blessings.
We had a quiet morning and went to Novena church for the noon mass. Nicole wanted to attend mass today.
I went out to have coffee with a friend who is visiting from San Francisco. I enjoyed catching up with him over coffee at the American club.
We had a good day and we thank God for His blessings.
Day 23 Singapore February 7, 2007 - 9.26 am
A new day. We are starting it slowly. Nicole has a routine - , prayer, drink juice and supplements, some bouncing, shower and breakfast. She is currently preparing breakfast.
We had good day yesterday. We went for colon hydrotherapy. We are feeling much better. Our guts are getting cleaner. We had lunch at the American Club with Annette and Huguette - dim sum. We had a quiet afternoon and evening.
I read about blood count and how to follow it during chemotherapy. We need to follow the white cells count and if it drops below a certain level, there will be a need to get supplements. There will be a need to manage Nicole's exposure to public places and reduce her risk of infection.
We had good day yesterday. We went for colon hydrotherapy. We are feeling much better. Our guts are getting cleaner. We had lunch at the American Club with Annette and Huguette - dim sum. We had a quiet afternoon and evening.
I read about blood count and how to follow it during chemotherapy. We need to follow the white cells count and if it drops below a certain level, there will be a need to get supplements. There will be a need to manage Nicole's exposure to public places and reduce her risk of infection.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Day 22 Singapore February 6th, 2007 - 11.26 hrs
We are starting the day well.
Every morning, following lessons learned from Peter Ng, husband of Patricia, both Nicole and I thank God for a new day in our life.
Nicole prepared breakfast. I am out of the kitchen. With three Liu Man Hin women there, I better leave this space to them! I welcome this break.
We meditated and prayed together this morning.
Last evening, Peter brought me our for dinner. It was not an ordinary dinner. Peter was very kind to share with me his experience. He also gave me the opportunity to share my fear, anxieties and challenges and was very understanding. I was so comforted to have his listening and understanding ears. I came back home in peace and in the knowledge that I can count on his support and that of friends, which he reminded. I shall remember these words Peter "You can find joy in suffering!" I thank Peter for this sharing and his time.
Every morning, following lessons learned from Peter Ng, husband of Patricia, both Nicole and I thank God for a new day in our life.
Nicole prepared breakfast. I am out of the kitchen. With three Liu Man Hin women there, I better leave this space to them! I welcome this break.
We meditated and prayed together this morning.
Last evening, Peter brought me our for dinner. It was not an ordinary dinner. Peter was very kind to share with me his experience. He also gave me the opportunity to share my fear, anxieties and challenges and was very understanding. I was so comforted to have his listening and understanding ears. I came back home in peace and in the knowledge that I can count on his support and that of friends, which he reminded. I shall remember these words Peter "You can find joy in suffering!" I thank Peter for this sharing and his time.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Singapore February 5th - 15.40 hrs
With the permission of Roby, I am publishing here his email addressed to us.
Bien chere Nicole,
Bien cher Maurice,
les mots me manquent pour vous exprimer toute ma gratitude pour le cadeau infiniment precieux que vous nous faites en partageant avec nous, au jour le jour, ce que vous vivez... nous permettant ainsi d’etre proches de vous par la pensee et surtout par le coeur. Je vous lis toujours avec beaucoup d’emotion. C’est merveilleux de votre part de nous permettre de vous rejoindre dans votre souffrance, votre anxiete, vos apprehensions,vos decouragements... et aussi dans le cheminement que Dieu vous donne de faire au sujet de votre conception du sens de la vie, de votre amour, de la priere, de la souffrance, de Dieu.
En celebrant la messe (dont Henri Leong Son avait eu l’idee..) avec toute la famille, avant-hier, j’etais tres emu en sentant a quel point vous avez autour de vous tant de personnes qui vous aiment, qui “care for you”, meme si, peut-etre, par une espece de pudeur, ils n’ont jamais su vous exprimer leur immense affection. Nicole et Maurice nous vous aimons tres tres fort: votre souffrance votre anxiété et vos problemes sont aussi notre souffrance, notre anxiété et nos problemes. Nous voulons les vivre le plus possible en communion avec vous.
Merci de nous dire que les evenements douloureux que vous vivez vous rapprochent l’un de l’autre:
“We went for a walk in the botanical garden. There was plenty of sunshine and we took the opportunity to sit on a bench in the sun, just admiring nature and enjoying each other company... We went home for a quiet afternoon..
Maurice and I we are learning now to be fully present to each other...let's live the present the best we can...”
A couple life of deep sharing makes life so much more meaningful. (Nicole)
”We went by taxi to the botanical garden for a good walk. We then sat on a bench, keeping quiet. Nicole was in her own world, enjoying the garden with her head on my lap. I was sitting trying just to be, enjoying the present moment.”(Maurice).
“... a message that I want to give to you all...please live your couple life fully...Do not take couple life for granted...we are always rushing around doing things... Learn to really be present and loving to each other..”
Let me stop here...I guess I wanted so much to share this with you all..
Life is a gift. Enjoy the gift. ..(Nicole).
... “We then went for a walk at the Botanical Garden. We really enjoy the walk in the late afternoon. We sat on a bench, sharing with each other our feelings and enjoying the calmness of the garden while watching the evening setting in slowly. We arranged with Pascal to come by our place and Pascal was already there, but we were still in the Garden like a young couple madly in love and not wanting to return home.
... This gives us both the opportunity to be together, supporting each other and gives me the much needed time to be with Nicole. We are also finding that we are taking time to share our feelings. I am cherishing these moments of sharing and intimacy with Nicole.”(Maurice).
Merci à Nicolas de nous dire que lui aussi prend davantage conscience de son amour pour vous:
“Mom and I had a good time quickly catching up and we were able to have a few laughs..” (Nicolas).
Merci de partager avec nous les questions que vous vous posez sur Dieu, sur la souffrance et sur le sens de la vie humaine.. j’aurais tant voulu avoir des réponses à toutes vos questions..! mais certaines de mes reponses seront, je le sais, tout à fait inadequates.. et je le regrette tres fort.
Il y a cependant des convictions qui m’habitent et que j’aimerais partager avec vous:
---La souffrance et la maladie ne sont pas des punitions de Dieu.
--- La maladie et la souffrance sont les consequences naturelles de notre condition humaine.
--- Ils ne sont pas non plus des “tests” auxquels Dieu nous soumet. Dieu-le-Père n’a pas puni Jesus-son-Fils sur la croix, Il ne Le testait pas non plus.
--- Jésus (Dieu-devenu-homme) mourant sur la croix nous révèle le vrai visage de Dieu: même quand on L’assassine, Il continue d’aimer, Il pardonne…
La veille de sa mort, Jesus disait a Philippe: “qui m’a vu a vu le Pere… ne crois-tu pas que je suis dans lePere et que le Pere est en moi…” Notre Dieu est PARDON.
--- Maurice, lorsque tu as ete frappe par la lecture de l’epitre aux Corinthiens dans laquelle St. Paul decrit les caracteristiques de l’amour, en fait St Paul parle de l’amour de Dieu et il conclut par ces mots “… l’amour ne passera jamais.” Oui, l’amour de Dieu est eternel, infini, “unconditionnal...” Et chacun de nous est son enfant bien-aime en qui Il met tout son amour, toute sa joie.
--- Dieu nous aime plus que n’importe quel papa ou n’importe quelle maman pourra jamais aimer son enfant, (plus que vous aimez vos 3 enfants, ou votre petite fille). Toute la joie de Dieu, tout son bonheur, c’est l’amour que nous Lui portons… Le plus grand bonheur de Dieu, c’est de vivre une vraie communion, une vraie intimité avec chacun de nous…. c’est fabuleux.!
--- Dieu nous aime tellement qu’Il a voulu nous rejoindre, Il est devenu homme, Il rejoint chaque homme personnellement. Il est en chacun de nous, Il est vivant dans tous ceux qui nous entourent. C’est a travers eux qu’Il vient a nous, c’est a travers nous qu’Il va vers eux. ( à st. Paul, sur le chemin de Damas Il dit: “Saul, Saul, pourquoi me persecutes-tu… Je suis Jesus que tu persecutes”. Dans st. Matthieu Jesus dit: “j’ai eu faim, tu m’as donné à manger..”).
Cela est vrai pour toute personne humaine, mais c’est encore plus vrai pour les couples. Par le sacrement du mariage, vous avez ete consacres pour etre, l’un pour l’autre, la presence de la tendresse infinie de Dieu.
Si Dieu nous aime tant, que fait-il lorsque nous souffrons?
1. Il met sur notre chemin des medecins, infirmieres, tous ceux qui par leurs recherches ont decouvert de nouveaux medicaments…
2. Il est personnellement en nous et, malgre nos peurs, il nous donne le courage de faire face a la douleur.
3. Dans la priere, Il nous donne des moments de grande paix. Nicole, tu ecris ce matin: “luckily M. is there to pray with me. I feel so much better after we prayed. ”
4. Parfois Il nous donne de faire une experience tres speciale de sa presence comme hier tu as pu Nicole, t’en rendre compte par toi-même.
“Maurice and I we started praying to Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine..after some time I found myself surrounded by an energy field. I don't know whether I'm using the right words but for me it was the divine energy field. It was a colored light and it was so peaceful and nice, and I only wanted to stay in it..
My arm felt like half numb and i could not feel the pain any more...
I guess I must have been in it for about an hour; and after I opened my eyes I felt so rested.
And I told M. about it and I said to him: Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine were really present, don’t u think so? I felt so touched by this experience. For me it was a definitely grace from God.”
Oui, Nicole, Dieu etait la, Il est la et sera toujours la.
Et parce que Dieu est Dieu (totalement different de nous) nous avons de la difficulte a exprimer dans nos paroles humaines les experiences (sensibles) que nous faisons de sa presence. (I don't know whether I'm using the right words but for me it was the divine energy field… The whole day today this experience kept coming to my mind...putting it on paper does not seem to express what I really experienced..).
Cela me fait penser aux paroles de Jacob dans le livre de la Genese: “Dieu etait la et je ne le savais pas..”
Tout dernierement, je visitais une malade a l’hopital, elle souffrait beaucoup et priait beaucoup. Une nuit ou sa douleur etait particulierement forte, elle suppliait Jesus et Jesus est venu à elle et l’a prise dans ses bras pendant plusieurs heures… elle faisait l’experience sensible de la presence de Dieu.
Ces “experiences sensibles” sont comme des pilot lights (petites lumieres rouges qu’il y a dans des boutons electriques). Lorsque la lumiere rouge s’allume, c’est le signal qu’il y a du courant qui passe. Mais le courant n’est pas seulement dans cette lumiere rouge qui se voit, il est aussi dans tout le fil.. mais on ne le voit pas.
Jesus est là, même quand nous ne le sentons pas. Dieu est devenu homme pour partager pleinement notre condition humaine y compris notre faiblesse.
Il connait nos peurs et nos angoisses: “Jesus commenca a ressentir de la frayeur et de l’angoisse..” (Marc 14,33).
Il connait nos tristesses: “mon ame est triste a en mourir”. (Mathieu 26,37.)
Il connait nos detresses: “.. en proie a la detresse, il priait de facon plus instante, et sa sueur devint comme de grosses gouttes de sang qui tombait a terre.” (Luc 22,44.)
But Christ knowingly and voluntarily chose to be born in order to experience our human condition, i.e the limitation imposed by a physical body including experiencing pain and suffering, to save humanity. This realization hit me when I was listening to the preaching of our priest at the Sunday mass in New York during Christmas. ( Maurice).
Nicole et Maurice, je m’arrête là pour aujourd’hui. Mais croyez que je continue de penser a vous et, bien sur, de prier tres fort pour vous. Je sais que Dieu prend soin de vous car Il vous aime, Lui qui est Tendresse Infinie…
Je vous embrasse tres fort tous les deux.
Roby.
le 2 fevrier 2007.
Bien chere Nicole,
Bien cher Maurice,
les mots me manquent pour vous exprimer toute ma gratitude pour le cadeau infiniment precieux que vous nous faites en partageant avec nous, au jour le jour, ce que vous vivez... nous permettant ainsi d’etre proches de vous par la pensee et surtout par le coeur. Je vous lis toujours avec beaucoup d’emotion. C’est merveilleux de votre part de nous permettre de vous rejoindre dans votre souffrance, votre anxiete, vos apprehensions,vos decouragements... et aussi dans le cheminement que Dieu vous donne de faire au sujet de votre conception du sens de la vie, de votre amour, de la priere, de la souffrance, de Dieu.
En celebrant la messe (dont Henri Leong Son avait eu l’idee..) avec toute la famille, avant-hier, j’etais tres emu en sentant a quel point vous avez autour de vous tant de personnes qui vous aiment, qui “care for you”, meme si, peut-etre, par une espece de pudeur, ils n’ont jamais su vous exprimer leur immense affection. Nicole et Maurice nous vous aimons tres tres fort: votre souffrance votre anxiété et vos problemes sont aussi notre souffrance, notre anxiété et nos problemes. Nous voulons les vivre le plus possible en communion avec vous.
Merci de nous dire que les evenements douloureux que vous vivez vous rapprochent l’un de l’autre:
“We went for a walk in the botanical garden. There was plenty of sunshine and we took the opportunity to sit on a bench in the sun, just admiring nature and enjoying each other company... We went home for a quiet afternoon..
Maurice and I we are learning now to be fully present to each other...let's live the present the best we can...”
A couple life of deep sharing makes life so much more meaningful. (Nicole)
”We went by taxi to the botanical garden for a good walk. We then sat on a bench, keeping quiet. Nicole was in her own world, enjoying the garden with her head on my lap. I was sitting trying just to be, enjoying the present moment.”(Maurice).
“... a message that I want to give to you all...please live your couple life fully...Do not take couple life for granted...we are always rushing around doing things... Learn to really be present and loving to each other..”
Let me stop here...I guess I wanted so much to share this with you all..
Life is a gift. Enjoy the gift. ..(Nicole).
... “We then went for a walk at the Botanical Garden. We really enjoy the walk in the late afternoon. We sat on a bench, sharing with each other our feelings and enjoying the calmness of the garden while watching the evening setting in slowly. We arranged with Pascal to come by our place and Pascal was already there, but we were still in the Garden like a young couple madly in love and not wanting to return home.
... This gives us both the opportunity to be together, supporting each other and gives me the much needed time to be with Nicole. We are also finding that we are taking time to share our feelings. I am cherishing these moments of sharing and intimacy with Nicole.”(Maurice).
Merci à Nicolas de nous dire que lui aussi prend davantage conscience de son amour pour vous:
“Mom and I had a good time quickly catching up and we were able to have a few laughs..” (Nicolas).
Merci de partager avec nous les questions que vous vous posez sur Dieu, sur la souffrance et sur le sens de la vie humaine.. j’aurais tant voulu avoir des réponses à toutes vos questions..! mais certaines de mes reponses seront, je le sais, tout à fait inadequates.. et je le regrette tres fort.
Il y a cependant des convictions qui m’habitent et que j’aimerais partager avec vous:
---La souffrance et la maladie ne sont pas des punitions de Dieu.
--- La maladie et la souffrance sont les consequences naturelles de notre condition humaine.
--- Ils ne sont pas non plus des “tests” auxquels Dieu nous soumet. Dieu-le-Père n’a pas puni Jesus-son-Fils sur la croix, Il ne Le testait pas non plus.
--- Jésus (Dieu-devenu-homme) mourant sur la croix nous révèle le vrai visage de Dieu: même quand on L’assassine, Il continue d’aimer, Il pardonne…
La veille de sa mort, Jesus disait a Philippe: “qui m’a vu a vu le Pere… ne crois-tu pas que je suis dans lePere et que le Pere est en moi…” Notre Dieu est PARDON.
--- Maurice, lorsque tu as ete frappe par la lecture de l’epitre aux Corinthiens dans laquelle St. Paul decrit les caracteristiques de l’amour, en fait St Paul parle de l’amour de Dieu et il conclut par ces mots “… l’amour ne passera jamais.” Oui, l’amour de Dieu est eternel, infini, “unconditionnal...” Et chacun de nous est son enfant bien-aime en qui Il met tout son amour, toute sa joie.
--- Dieu nous aime plus que n’importe quel papa ou n’importe quelle maman pourra jamais aimer son enfant, (plus que vous aimez vos 3 enfants, ou votre petite fille). Toute la joie de Dieu, tout son bonheur, c’est l’amour que nous Lui portons… Le plus grand bonheur de Dieu, c’est de vivre une vraie communion, une vraie intimité avec chacun de nous…. c’est fabuleux.!
--- Dieu nous aime tellement qu’Il a voulu nous rejoindre, Il est devenu homme, Il rejoint chaque homme personnellement. Il est en chacun de nous, Il est vivant dans tous ceux qui nous entourent. C’est a travers eux qu’Il vient a nous, c’est a travers nous qu’Il va vers eux. ( à st. Paul, sur le chemin de Damas Il dit: “Saul, Saul, pourquoi me persecutes-tu… Je suis Jesus que tu persecutes”. Dans st. Matthieu Jesus dit: “j’ai eu faim, tu m’as donné à manger..”).
Cela est vrai pour toute personne humaine, mais c’est encore plus vrai pour les couples. Par le sacrement du mariage, vous avez ete consacres pour etre, l’un pour l’autre, la presence de la tendresse infinie de Dieu.
Si Dieu nous aime tant, que fait-il lorsque nous souffrons?
1. Il met sur notre chemin des medecins, infirmieres, tous ceux qui par leurs recherches ont decouvert de nouveaux medicaments…
2. Il est personnellement en nous et, malgre nos peurs, il nous donne le courage de faire face a la douleur.
3. Dans la priere, Il nous donne des moments de grande paix. Nicole, tu ecris ce matin: “luckily M. is there to pray with me. I feel so much better after we prayed. ”
4. Parfois Il nous donne de faire une experience tres speciale de sa presence comme hier tu as pu Nicole, t’en rendre compte par toi-même.
“Maurice and I we started praying to Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine..after some time I found myself surrounded by an energy field. I don't know whether I'm using the right words but for me it was the divine energy field. It was a colored light and it was so peaceful and nice, and I only wanted to stay in it..
My arm felt like half numb and i could not feel the pain any more...
I guess I must have been in it for about an hour; and after I opened my eyes I felt so rested.
And I told M. about it and I said to him: Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine were really present, don’t u think so? I felt so touched by this experience. For me it was a definitely grace from God.”
Oui, Nicole, Dieu etait la, Il est la et sera toujours la.
Et parce que Dieu est Dieu (totalement different de nous) nous avons de la difficulte a exprimer dans nos paroles humaines les experiences (sensibles) que nous faisons de sa presence. (I don't know whether I'm using the right words but for me it was the divine energy field… The whole day today this experience kept coming to my mind...putting it on paper does not seem to express what I really experienced..).
Cela me fait penser aux paroles de Jacob dans le livre de la Genese: “Dieu etait la et je ne le savais pas..”
Tout dernierement, je visitais une malade a l’hopital, elle souffrait beaucoup et priait beaucoup. Une nuit ou sa douleur etait particulierement forte, elle suppliait Jesus et Jesus est venu à elle et l’a prise dans ses bras pendant plusieurs heures… elle faisait l’experience sensible de la presence de Dieu.
Ces “experiences sensibles” sont comme des pilot lights (petites lumieres rouges qu’il y a dans des boutons electriques). Lorsque la lumiere rouge s’allume, c’est le signal qu’il y a du courant qui passe. Mais le courant n’est pas seulement dans cette lumiere rouge qui se voit, il est aussi dans tout le fil.. mais on ne le voit pas.
Jesus est là, même quand nous ne le sentons pas. Dieu est devenu homme pour partager pleinement notre condition humaine y compris notre faiblesse.
Il connait nos peurs et nos angoisses: “Jesus commenca a ressentir de la frayeur et de l’angoisse..” (Marc 14,33).
Il connait nos tristesses: “mon ame est triste a en mourir”. (Mathieu 26,37.)
Il connait nos detresses: “.. en proie a la detresse, il priait de facon plus instante, et sa sueur devint comme de grosses gouttes de sang qui tombait a terre.” (Luc 22,44.)
But Christ knowingly and voluntarily chose to be born in order to experience our human condition, i.e the limitation imposed by a physical body including experiencing pain and suffering, to save humanity. This realization hit me when I was listening to the preaching of our priest at the Sunday mass in New York during Christmas. ( Maurice).
Nicole et Maurice, je m’arrête là pour aujourd’hui. Mais croyez que je continue de penser a vous et, bien sur, de prier tres fort pour vous. Je sais que Dieu prend soin de vous car Il vous aime, Lui qui est Tendresse Infinie…
Je vous embrasse tres fort tous les deux.
Roby.
le 2 fevrier 2007.
Day 21 Singapore Feb 5th, 2007 10:21hrs
Spoke with Mom. She was in quite good spirits. We spoke about foods that we eat and the relationship with health. I was happy to have a good chat with her.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Day 20 Singapore February 4th, 2007 - 21.52hrs
Sunday. Nicole is feeling better. I was knock-out. I guess too much food last evening. I took a day off. Fortunately Annette and Huguette are here.
Cheers Maurice
Dear everybody,
Tks God that i've been feeling better these last two days..yesterday i went to the mass said for Pat my very good friend who passed away 2 years ago with cancer...i was hesitating to go dreading how i shall react with meeting my friends..but i'm glad i went..first time in my life i experienced the eucharist so strongly...
During the whole one hour i felt so much communion with God..and after mass i enjoyed the peace of Christ..i was healed of the terrible anxiety and fear of the future that weighed on me during these last days...and i was full of energy and joy, laughing and talking with all my friends.
At communion the body of Christ was a real spiritual nourishment for me . I feel now that i want to be daily nourished by the body of Christ.
Everything seems to have a totally new meaning to me.
Slowly i'm beginning to feel the grace of God's love for me.
I'm also enjoying the company of Annette and Huguette.
Tks again for all your prayers and affection..
I'm really grateful and thankful...
I'm having a week break from chemo..my next sessions will be on Feb.15 and 22..
Love, Nicole
Cheers Maurice
Dear everybody,
Tks God that i've been feeling better these last two days..yesterday i went to the mass said for Pat my very good friend who passed away 2 years ago with cancer...i was hesitating to go dreading how i shall react with meeting my friends..but i'm glad i went..first time in my life i experienced the eucharist so strongly...
During the whole one hour i felt so much communion with God..and after mass i enjoyed the peace of Christ..i was healed of the terrible anxiety and fear of the future that weighed on me during these last days...and i was full of energy and joy, laughing and talking with all my friends.
At communion the body of Christ was a real spiritual nourishment for me . I feel now that i want to be daily nourished by the body of Christ.
Everything seems to have a totally new meaning to me.
Slowly i'm beginning to feel the grace of God's love for me.
I'm also enjoying the company of Annette and Huguette.
Tks again for all your prayers and affection..
I'm really grateful and thankful...
I'm having a week break from chemo..my next sessions will be on Feb.15 and 22..
Love, Nicole
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Day 19 Singapore February 3, 2007 - 21.22hrs
It has been a good day. Thank you God for this good day.
We woke up looking forward to see Annette and Huguette. We had a quiet morning with Nicole feeling much better. Nicole had the joy of seeing her two sisters. They brought a lot of mangoes, and other food.
I am most grateful to both of them for taking time off from their families to spend time with us. They are a very big support to both of us here. I thank also Jean and Bobby for accepting this separation from their wives. You both are great!
After a good afternoon rest, we went to Peter Ng's place for mass. They commemorated the second anniversary of the departure of Patricia. Father Lawrence said mass. I felt closely connected with Christ during mass. "The most important things in life are our relationships" said Father Lawrence. How true this is! And yet we more often forget this.
After mass, there was the usual dinner. We had a good sharing with Father Lawrence. Nicole was enjoying the conversations with her friends.
A very pleasant day indeed.
"The most important things in life are our relationships!"
We woke up looking forward to see Annette and Huguette. We had a quiet morning with Nicole feeling much better. Nicole had the joy of seeing her two sisters. They brought a lot of mangoes, and other food.
I am most grateful to both of them for taking time off from their families to spend time with us. They are a very big support to both of us here. I thank also Jean and Bobby for accepting this separation from their wives. You both are great!
After a good afternoon rest, we went to Peter Ng's place for mass. They commemorated the second anniversary of the departure of Patricia. Father Lawrence said mass. I felt closely connected with Christ during mass. "The most important things in life are our relationships" said Father Lawrence. How true this is! And yet we more often forget this.
After mass, there was the usual dinner. We had a good sharing with Father Lawrence. Nicole was enjoying the conversations with her friends.
A very pleasant day indeed.
"The most important things in life are our relationships!"
Friday, February 2, 2007
Singapore February 2, 2007 - 22.35 hrs
Nicole is asleep. It has been a long day. Nicole woke up in a state totally different from that of yesterday. She was lethargic and felt drained. I also felt quite off form as I did not sleep well. I just could not sleep. So my lack of sleep was a big handicap in my caring for Nicole. She had no appetite for breakfast but went through the motion of eating as she is losing weight.
We went to the American Club - Nicole for a massage. I took the opportunity to go to the gym. It has been a long time since I last went to the gym. I worked out for 60 minutes. I much needed this. After gym, I went to the Club's library to wait for Nicole.
She did not had a good massage session. She was tense and was only relaxed during the last 30 minutes. She looked exhausted. The side effects of the chemo drugs were affecting her. She just cried. We ordered food from the Club to bring home to eat. After eating some food, she felt a little better but this did not last long. She felt discouraged, lost her fighting spirit, weak and drained. Unfortunately she could not sleep as she was agitated. We tried to pray. She just could not meditate. She was feeling pain in her abdomen. I called the oncologist, Dr Wong who reassured me that there was nothing wrong with Nicole. Dr Wong prescribed another type of pain killer. I had to fetch the pain killer from her clinic. I was reluctant to leave Nicole alone but had no choice.
Nicole was able to have some food and this gave her some strength. Anna called and her conversation with Anna uplifted her spirit. I called Annette and Nicole's chat with Annette also was very helpful. Nicole's spirit was boosted and she wanted to prepare our place to welcome Annette and Huguette who are arriving tomorrow.
We did not go for a walk. We just sat being present to each other. I prepared some food but it did not taste good to Nicole. The chemo drugs side effects make food tasteless. Since then it was all downhill. Nicole was in despair, discouraged, no will to fight. "Why do I have to die so early" she asked. "I want to have some more years!". I just did not know what to reply.
We do not know what lies ahead. But today has been a very painful and trying one. We both felt intense emotions of helplessness, sadness, despair but also felt that we are not alone. We also both thought of Clement.
We got a very timely email from Roby. I printed it for Nicole but she just could not finish reading it as she was crying too much.
I encouraged Nicole to call it a day. She slept holding my arms, needing reassurance and comfort.
We went to the American Club - Nicole for a massage. I took the opportunity to go to the gym. It has been a long time since I last went to the gym. I worked out for 60 minutes. I much needed this. After gym, I went to the Club's library to wait for Nicole.
She did not had a good massage session. She was tense and was only relaxed during the last 30 minutes. She looked exhausted. The side effects of the chemo drugs were affecting her. She just cried. We ordered food from the Club to bring home to eat. After eating some food, she felt a little better but this did not last long. She felt discouraged, lost her fighting spirit, weak and drained. Unfortunately she could not sleep as she was agitated. We tried to pray. She just could not meditate. She was feeling pain in her abdomen. I called the oncologist, Dr Wong who reassured me that there was nothing wrong with Nicole. Dr Wong prescribed another type of pain killer. I had to fetch the pain killer from her clinic. I was reluctant to leave Nicole alone but had no choice.
Nicole was able to have some food and this gave her some strength. Anna called and her conversation with Anna uplifted her spirit. I called Annette and Nicole's chat with Annette also was very helpful. Nicole's spirit was boosted and she wanted to prepare our place to welcome Annette and Huguette who are arriving tomorrow.
We did not go for a walk. We just sat being present to each other. I prepared some food but it did not taste good to Nicole. The chemo drugs side effects make food tasteless. Since then it was all downhill. Nicole was in despair, discouraged, no will to fight. "Why do I have to die so early" she asked. "I want to have some more years!". I just did not know what to reply.
We do not know what lies ahead. But today has been a very painful and trying one. We both felt intense emotions of helplessness, sadness, despair but also felt that we are not alone. We also both thought of Clement.
We got a very timely email from Roby. I printed it for Nicole but she just could not finish reading it as she was crying too much.
I encouraged Nicole to call it a day. She slept holding my arms, needing reassurance and comfort.
Singapore February 2, 2007 - 12.42 hrs
I took this picture of Nicole who was getting ready to go out for lunch yesterday.I enjoyed taking her pictures. Her beautiful smile is so warm and welcoming and her lovely eyes project a deep "regard" a "Mona Lisa" look!
Friday Feb. 2nd 5.00a.m.
Dear family, relatives and friends,
Tks again for all your loving support ...u've been all praying so hard for me and Maurice that i was feeling quite energetic yesterday.
My chemo session took place the day before yesterday ..i had another incident of my vein getting reddish all around and the doctor had to be called to adjust my needle...i'm still a scary cat..so so scared of pain...i always thought that i was a tough cookie concerning pain but i've been proved so wrong since my disease.....just the thought of a needle can drive my spirit down.
But i've lived an experience during my chemo session that i want to share with u all...Maurice and I we were praying Jesus,Mary and Mother Augustine, when, after some time, i felt myself enveloped in a colored energy field..for me, it was the divine energy field..i felt so comfortable.. and peaceful...and i only wanted to stay in it for the longest time possible...my arm was feeling numb and i did not feel the pain any more...I'm not sure that i'm really using the right words which can express fully what i experienced...
When i opened my eyes i felt so relaxed and i told Maurice about it and i said...Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine were with me..i really felt their presence...and i felt so dazed by it all..
I still feel so moved or shocked ...i don't know whcih words to use...by what happened and this experience kept coming to my mind the whole day yesterday...i can only attribute it as a special grace from God..He touched me and He loves me and my heart feels so grateful and thankful....
I just wanted to share this with u all.
I still have 3 more cycles of chemo to go...please keep praying ..i still need your support.
Love,Nicole
Dear family, relatives and friends,
Tks again for all your loving support ...u've been all praying so hard for me and Maurice that i was feeling quite energetic yesterday.
My chemo session took place the day before yesterday ..i had another incident of my vein getting reddish all around and the doctor had to be called to adjust my needle...i'm still a scary cat..so so scared of pain...i always thought that i was a tough cookie concerning pain but i've been proved so wrong since my disease.....just the thought of a needle can drive my spirit down.
But i've lived an experience during my chemo session that i want to share with u all...Maurice and I we were praying Jesus,Mary and Mother Augustine, when, after some time, i felt myself enveloped in a colored energy field..for me, it was the divine energy field..i felt so comfortable.. and peaceful...and i only wanted to stay in it for the longest time possible...my arm was feeling numb and i did not feel the pain any more...I'm not sure that i'm really using the right words which can express fully what i experienced...
When i opened my eyes i felt so relaxed and i told Maurice about it and i said...Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine were with me..i really felt their presence...and i felt so dazed by it all..
I still feel so moved or shocked ...i don't know whcih words to use...by what happened and this experience kept coming to my mind the whole day yesterday...i can only attribute it as a special grace from God..He touched me and He loves me and my heart feels so grateful and thankful....
I just wanted to share this with u all.
I still have 3 more cycles of chemo to go...please keep praying ..i still need your support.
Love,Nicole
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Day 17 Singapore Feb 1, 2007 - 21.00 hrs
Pascal just left us. Fortunately Pascal is around. He has been a tremendous help and provided much needed support to us. His visits at the end of day are rays of sun light and give us a much needed break away from the focus on Nicole's illness. Pascal - thank you very much.
This is the first day after the second chemo session. It is a very pleasant surprise to see Nicole full of energy and in a very good spirit. She woke up before me today, prepared her breakfast and did some house cleaning. We had a very quiet morning. We went to the American Club for lunch - we had the salad bar buffet. Looks like we ate too many types of vegetable. Nicole's stomach had to go on overdrive to digest this mixture of food. Result: she was not feeling too well. I guess, in our worry that she needs to put on some weight, we went overboard in our eating. We had to take a good rest in the afternoon.
We then went for a walk at the Botanical Garden. We really enjoy the walk in the late afternoon. We sat on a bench, sharing with each other our feelings and enjoying the calmness of the garden while watching the evening setting in slowly. We arranged with Pascal to come by our place and Pascal was already there, but we were still in the Garden like a young couple madly in love and not wanting to return home. We left the garden at 19.30 hrs to meet Pascal at home.
We also had the joy of having Joceline from Canada calling Nicole. They both had a good chat. However, we missed the call from Georgette from, I guess, Reunion Island.
Both Nicole and I are lucky and blessed that I do not need to go to an office to work. This gives us both the opportunity to be together, supporting each other and gives me the much needed time to be with Nicole. We are also finding that we are taking time to share our feelings. I am cherishing these moments of sharing and intimacy with Nicole. I thank God for this blessing. There are always good things coming out in adversity. "Be open and attentive and you will find Me" says the Lord. We are not alone on this journey. So many of you are accompanying us. We also believe that God is also with us, guiding us, helping us and carrying us.
The good thing also is that we both live more and more the "NOW". We do not worry too much about the future that does not belong to us. We do not look back at the past that we agree we cannot change. Life is a gift to be lived NOW. Enjoy the company of the person with whom you are now, Enjoy what you are doing now and live life fully.
Another day ends. Thank you loving God.
This is the first day after the second chemo session. It is a very pleasant surprise to see Nicole full of energy and in a very good spirit. She woke up before me today, prepared her breakfast and did some house cleaning. We had a very quiet morning. We went to the American Club for lunch - we had the salad bar buffet. Looks like we ate too many types of vegetable. Nicole's stomach had to go on overdrive to digest this mixture of food. Result: she was not feeling too well. I guess, in our worry that she needs to put on some weight, we went overboard in our eating. We had to take a good rest in the afternoon.
We then went for a walk at the Botanical Garden. We really enjoy the walk in the late afternoon. We sat on a bench, sharing with each other our feelings and enjoying the calmness of the garden while watching the evening setting in slowly. We arranged with Pascal to come by our place and Pascal was already there, but we were still in the Garden like a young couple madly in love and not wanting to return home. We left the garden at 19.30 hrs to meet Pascal at home.
We also had the joy of having Joceline from Canada calling Nicole. They both had a good chat. However, we missed the call from Georgette from, I guess, Reunion Island.
Both Nicole and I are lucky and blessed that I do not need to go to an office to work. This gives us both the opportunity to be together, supporting each other and gives me the much needed time to be with Nicole. We are also finding that we are taking time to share our feelings. I am cherishing these moments of sharing and intimacy with Nicole. I thank God for this blessing. There are always good things coming out in adversity. "Be open and attentive and you will find Me" says the Lord. We are not alone on this journey. So many of you are accompanying us. We also believe that God is also with us, guiding us, helping us and carrying us.
The good thing also is that we both live more and more the "NOW". We do not worry too much about the future that does not belong to us. We do not look back at the past that we agree we cannot change. Life is a gift to be lived NOW. Enjoy the company of the person with whom you are now, Enjoy what you are doing now and live life fully.
Another day ends. Thank you loving God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)