It has been quite a while that we had a "normal" day. We went to the 6.30 am mass at Novena church. Then Nicole was able to prepare her own breakfast. She and Ivy went out with Anna to attend a prayer group followed by lunch.
I was able to go the gym, did work out and went to Funan centre to get some supplies for my printer. It is so encouraging to see Nicole active again. I do hope that the next medical check up will show that the chemo drugs have been very effective. I was able to do some work and catch up with some reading. If only we could get the good news that Nicole is healed!
I just cannot stop thinking from time to time that there are cancer cells in her body. Although I say to myself that we have to enjoy fully the present moment, I guess it is human to think that she has cancer. Life cannot be the same as before! It is not easy to adopt a new way of living. But when I look deeply at life, I recognize that life is full of uncertainty. But yet, I have difficulty accepting the uncertain future I am facing! This is where I have to have faith in God. In fact in Christ! He is the one who reveals himself through the Gospel. He has been a human being and my intellect tells me that I have to let go and trust him. But I have yet to experience this need to let go in my guts, I am still holding back. I have difficulty reciting the " traditional prayers" - words that people have already used. I feel more at ease using my own words. Am I not humble enough? Anyway this period of Lent is giving me the opportunity to re examine my relation with Jesus Christ. How do I relate to Him? The one thing I know is that I am not afraid of Him. I know he loves me - "intellectual insight" not emotional one. Has anyone experience the feeling of closeness with Christ? I guess there are persons who have had this emotional experience. Well I guess I am lucky that I am being prompted to search. We call this Grace. Thank you Lord! Walk with me and hold my hands through this journey.
" The Lord is my shepherd,
there is nothing I lack.
In green pastures you let me graze;
to safe waters you lead me;
you restore my strength.
You guide me along the right path
for the sake of your name.
Even when I walk through a dark valley,
I fear no harm for you are at my side;
your rod and staff give me courage." Psalm 23
How I wish i could have the faith of the writer of this Psalm!
Good night.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Monday, March 5, 2007
Day 50 Singapore March 5, 2007 - 13.33 hrs
We had a very good morning starting with the 6.30 am mass at Novena. We then went for a walk in the Botanical Garden and lunch at the food court there. Picture taken at lunch.Nicole is eating well, a good sign that she is not feeling the side effects of the chemo drugs.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Singapore March 4, 2007 - 22.09 hrs
In the afternoon we had the joy of having the visit of Harold and Jacqueline, who just arrived from Mauritius.
Day 49 Singapore March 4, 2007 - 22.00 hrs
Another day with Nicole feeling much better. We enjoyed the gift of this day.
We went for a walk at the botanical garden.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Day 48 Singapore March 3, 2007 - 18.59 hrs
We woke up this morning welcoming this gift of a new day. We went to 7.00 am mass at Novena church. We then had a quiet morning with Nicole enjoying the feel good mood she is experiencing. We thank the Lord for His blessings.
Friday, March 2, 2007
Day 47 Singapore March 2, 2007 - 20.54 hrs
We had a good day. We went to mass at Novena at 12.15 hrs. Anna gave us a lift. After mass, we went out for lunch, which Nicole enjoyed very much. It is so nice to see Nicole eating with appetite. This is a sure sign that the side effects of the chemo drugs are decreasing.
Below is the English version of an email that Roby Bathfield sent us. The French version was already on this blog. The English version is the work of Huguette and Bobby, whom we thank very much.
With the permission of Roby, I am publishing here his email addressed to us.
My dear Nicole,
My dear Maurice,
I cannot find the words to express my gratitude for the really precious gift that you have bestowed upon us , by sharing with us what you are going through, day by day, thus getting us closer to you in thoughts and through our hearts. It is always with great feeling that I read your writings. It is marvellous that you have allowed us to share in your sufferings, your anguish, your apprehensions, your despairs…. and also in the journey that God has chosen for you, concerning the meaning of life, of your love, of prayers,
of suffering, of God.
While celebrating mass ( suggested by Henri Leong Son ) with the family the day before yesterday, I was very touched to know that there were so many people around you who love you, who care for you, even though, may be because of some sort of modesty, never knew how to express their immense affection for you.
Nicole et Maurice, we love you very very much: your sufferings, your anguish and your problems are also our sufferings, our anguish, and our problems. We wish to live them as much as possible in communion with you.
Thank you for letting us know that the painful events you are living, draw you closer to each other:
“We went for a walk in the botanical garden. There was plenty of sunshine and we took the opportunity to sit on a bench in the sun, just admiring nature and enjoying each other company... We went home for a quiet afternoon..
Maurice and I we are learning now to be fully present to each other...let's live the present the best we can...”
A couple life of deep sharing makes life so much more meaningful. (Nicole)
”We went by taxi to the botanical garden for a good walk. We then sat on a bench, keeping quiet. Nicole was in her own world, enjoying the garden with her head on my lap. I was sitting trying just to be, enjoying the present moment.”(Maurice).
“... a message that I want to give to you all...please live your couple life fully...Do not take couple life for granted...we are always rushing around doing things... Learn to really be present and loving to each other..”
Let me stop here...I guess I wanted so much to share this with you all..
Life is a gift. Enjoy the gift. ..(Nicole).
... “We then went for a walk at the Botanical Garden. We really enjoy the walk in the late afternoon. We sat on a bench, sharing with each other our feelings and enjoying the calmness of the garden while watching the evening setting in slowly.
We arranged with Pascal to come by our place and Pascal was already there, but we were still in the Garden like a young couple madly in love and not wanting to return home.... This gives us both the opportunity to be together, supporting each other and gives me the much needed time to be with Nicole. We are also finding that we are taking time to share our feelings. I am cherishing these moments of sharing and intimacy with Nicole.”(Maurice).
Thank you Nicolas, for telling us of his becoming more aware of his love for you:
“Mom and I had a good time quickly catching up and we were able to have a few laughs..” (Nicolas).
Thank you for sharing with us the questions you have been asking yourselves on God, on suffering and on the meaning of human life... I would have wished that I have all the answers to your questions, but unfortunately, I know some of my answers will be totally inadequate and I regret it very much. However, there are some convictions which I am certain of and I would like to share them with you.
Suffering and illness are not punishments from God.
Illness and suffering are the natural consequences of our human condition.
Nor are they, tests that God imposes on us. God the Father did not punish Jesus His son on the cross. He did not test Him either.
Jesus( God became man) dying on the cross, reveals to us, the true face of God:
Even when He is being assassinated, He keeps on loving, He forgives...
On the eve of His death, Jesus said to Philippe « Whoever has seen me, has seen the Father. Do you not believe, that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. »
Our God is FORGIVENESS.
Maurice, when you said that you were struck by the reading of the letter to the Corinthians in which St Paul described the caracteristics of love, in fact St Paul speaks of the love of God and he concludes by these words « Love never ends. »
Yes, the love of God is eternal, infinite, unconditional. And each one of us is His beloved child in whom He has put all His love, all His joy.
God loves us more than any father or mother can ever love his child
( more than the love you have for your three children or for your grand daughter )
All the joy of God, all His happiness, is the love that we have for Him... the greatest joy of God, is to live a true communion, a true intimacy with each of us...
It's fabulous.
God loves us so much that He wanted to rejoin us, He became man, He rejoins each man personally. He is within each of us. He is alive in everything that surrounds us. It is through them that He comes to us. It is through us that He goes to others.
(to St Paul, on the way to Damascus He said: « Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me..
I am Jesus whom you are persecuting. » In St Matthew, Jesus said: « I was hungry, you fed me. ») This is true for all human beings, but the more so for married couples. By the sacrament of matrimony, you have been consecrated to be, for each other, the presence of the infinite tenderness of God.
If God loves us so much, what does He do when we suffer?
1. He puts in our way, doctors, nurses, and every one who by their researches, have discovered new medications.
2. He is personally in us and, despite our fears, He gives us courage to face pain.
3. In prayers, He gives us moments of great peace.
Nicole, you wrote this morning:
“ luckily M. is there to pray with me. I feel so much better after we prayed. ”
4. Sometimes He gives us the opportunity to have a very special experience of His presence like the one you had yesterday, which you became aware of, by yourself, Nicole.
“Maurice and I we started praying to Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine..after some time I found myself surrounded by an energy field. I don't know whether I'm using the right words but for me it was the divine energy field. It was a colored light and it was so peaceful and nice, and I only wanted to stay in it..
My arm felt like half numb and i could not feel the pain any more...
I guess I must have been in it for about an hour; and after I opened my eyes I felt so rested. And I told M. about it and I said to him: Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine were really present, don’t U think so? I felt so touched by this experience. For me it was a definitely grace from God.”
Yes, Nicole, God was there. He is here and will always be.
And because God is God ( completely different from us) we have difficulty to express in our human words, the experiences (perceptible) that we made of His presence.
“ I don't know whether I'm using the right words but for me it was the divine energy field… The whole day today this experience kept coming to my mind...putting it on paper does not seem to express what I really experienced.”
This makes me think of what Jacob said in the book of Genese:
“ God was here and I did not know.”
Recently, I visited a sick person in a hospital, she was suffering a lot and she was also praying a lot. One night when the pain was really acute, she implored Jesus and Jesus came to her and took her in His arms for several hours...
She had the perceptible experience of the presence of God.
These “ perceptible experiences ” are like pilot lights ( small electrical bulbs with red lights ).When the red light is on, it indicates that there is electricity). Electricity is not only in the red light that is visible, but it is also in the electrical wire and it is not visible.
Jesus is here, even when we do not feel Him. God became man, to fully share in our human condition with its weaknesses.
He knows our fears and our anguishes: (Jesus began to feel distress and anguish)
(Mark 14,33)
He knew sadness: ( My soul is very sorrowful even to death) ( Matthew 26, 38 )
He knew our distress ( In great anguish he prayed even more fervently; his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground . ) ( Luke 22,44)
“ But Christ knowingly and voluntarily chose to be born in order to experience our human condition, i.e the limitation imposed by a physical body including experiencing pain and suffering, to save humanity. This realization hit me when I was listening to the preaching of our priest at the Sunday mass in New York during Christmas.” ( Maurice).
Nicole et Maurice, I stop here today.
Trust that I continue to think of you and, of course, to pray very hard for you.
I know that God takes care of you because He loves you,
He, who is Infinite Tenderness...
I warmly give both of you a big hug.
Roby.
2 February 2007.
Below is the English version of an email that Roby Bathfield sent us. The French version was already on this blog. The English version is the work of Huguette and Bobby, whom we thank very much.
With the permission of Roby, I am publishing here his email addressed to us.
My dear Nicole,
My dear Maurice,
I cannot find the words to express my gratitude for the really precious gift that you have bestowed upon us , by sharing with us what you are going through, day by day, thus getting us closer to you in thoughts and through our hearts. It is always with great feeling that I read your writings. It is marvellous that you have allowed us to share in your sufferings, your anguish, your apprehensions, your despairs…. and also in the journey that God has chosen for you, concerning the meaning of life, of your love, of prayers,
of suffering, of God.
While celebrating mass ( suggested by Henri Leong Son ) with the family the day before yesterday, I was very touched to know that there were so many people around you who love you, who care for you, even though, may be because of some sort of modesty, never knew how to express their immense affection for you.
Nicole et Maurice, we love you very very much: your sufferings, your anguish and your problems are also our sufferings, our anguish, and our problems. We wish to live them as much as possible in communion with you.
Thank you for letting us know that the painful events you are living, draw you closer to each other:
“We went for a walk in the botanical garden. There was plenty of sunshine and we took the opportunity to sit on a bench in the sun, just admiring nature and enjoying each other company... We went home for a quiet afternoon..
Maurice and I we are learning now to be fully present to each other...let's live the present the best we can...”
A couple life of deep sharing makes life so much more meaningful. (Nicole)
”We went by taxi to the botanical garden for a good walk. We then sat on a bench, keeping quiet. Nicole was in her own world, enjoying the garden with her head on my lap. I was sitting trying just to be, enjoying the present moment.”(Maurice).
“... a message that I want to give to you all...please live your couple life fully...Do not take couple life for granted...we are always rushing around doing things... Learn to really be present and loving to each other..”
Let me stop here...I guess I wanted so much to share this with you all..
Life is a gift. Enjoy the gift. ..(Nicole).
... “We then went for a walk at the Botanical Garden. We really enjoy the walk in the late afternoon. We sat on a bench, sharing with each other our feelings and enjoying the calmness of the garden while watching the evening setting in slowly.
We arranged with Pascal to come by our place and Pascal was already there, but we were still in the Garden like a young couple madly in love and not wanting to return home.... This gives us both the opportunity to be together, supporting each other and gives me the much needed time to be with Nicole. We are also finding that we are taking time to share our feelings. I am cherishing these moments of sharing and intimacy with Nicole.”(Maurice).
Thank you Nicolas, for telling us of his becoming more aware of his love for you:
“Mom and I had a good time quickly catching up and we were able to have a few laughs..” (Nicolas).
Thank you for sharing with us the questions you have been asking yourselves on God, on suffering and on the meaning of human life... I would have wished that I have all the answers to your questions, but unfortunately, I know some of my answers will be totally inadequate and I regret it very much. However, there are some convictions which I am certain of and I would like to share them with you.
Suffering and illness are not punishments from God.
Illness and suffering are the natural consequences of our human condition.
Nor are they, tests that God imposes on us. God the Father did not punish Jesus His son on the cross. He did not test Him either.
Jesus( God became man) dying on the cross, reveals to us, the true face of God:
Even when He is being assassinated, He keeps on loving, He forgives...
On the eve of His death, Jesus said to Philippe « Whoever has seen me, has seen the Father. Do you not believe, that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. »
Our God is FORGIVENESS.
Maurice, when you said that you were struck by the reading of the letter to the Corinthians in which St Paul described the caracteristics of love, in fact St Paul speaks of the love of God and he concludes by these words « Love never ends. »
Yes, the love of God is eternal, infinite, unconditional. And each one of us is His beloved child in whom He has put all His love, all His joy.
God loves us more than any father or mother can ever love his child
( more than the love you have for your three children or for your grand daughter )
All the joy of God, all His happiness, is the love that we have for Him... the greatest joy of God, is to live a true communion, a true intimacy with each of us...
It's fabulous.
God loves us so much that He wanted to rejoin us, He became man, He rejoins each man personally. He is within each of us. He is alive in everything that surrounds us. It is through them that He comes to us. It is through us that He goes to others.
(to St Paul, on the way to Damascus He said: « Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me..
I am Jesus whom you are persecuting. » In St Matthew, Jesus said: « I was hungry, you fed me. ») This is true for all human beings, but the more so for married couples. By the sacrament of matrimony, you have been consecrated to be, for each other, the presence of the infinite tenderness of God.
If God loves us so much, what does He do when we suffer?
1. He puts in our way, doctors, nurses, and every one who by their researches, have discovered new medications.
2. He is personally in us and, despite our fears, He gives us courage to face pain.
3. In prayers, He gives us moments of great peace.
Nicole, you wrote this morning:
“ luckily M. is there to pray with me. I feel so much better after we prayed. ”
4. Sometimes He gives us the opportunity to have a very special experience of His presence like the one you had yesterday, which you became aware of, by yourself, Nicole.
“Maurice and I we started praying to Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine..after some time I found myself surrounded by an energy field. I don't know whether I'm using the right words but for me it was the divine energy field. It was a colored light and it was so peaceful and nice, and I only wanted to stay in it..
My arm felt like half numb and i could not feel the pain any more...
I guess I must have been in it for about an hour; and after I opened my eyes I felt so rested. And I told M. about it and I said to him: Jesus, Mary and Mere Augustine were really present, don’t U think so? I felt so touched by this experience. For me it was a definitely grace from God.”
Yes, Nicole, God was there. He is here and will always be.
And because God is God ( completely different from us) we have difficulty to express in our human words, the experiences (perceptible) that we made of His presence.
“ I don't know whether I'm using the right words but for me it was the divine energy field… The whole day today this experience kept coming to my mind...putting it on paper does not seem to express what I really experienced.”
This makes me think of what Jacob said in the book of Genese:
“ God was here and I did not know.”
Recently, I visited a sick person in a hospital, she was suffering a lot and she was also praying a lot. One night when the pain was really acute, she implored Jesus and Jesus came to her and took her in His arms for several hours...
She had the perceptible experience of the presence of God.
These “ perceptible experiences ” are like pilot lights ( small electrical bulbs with red lights ).When the red light is on, it indicates that there is electricity). Electricity is not only in the red light that is visible, but it is also in the electrical wire and it is not visible.
Jesus is here, even when we do not feel Him. God became man, to fully share in our human condition with its weaknesses.
He knows our fears and our anguishes: (Jesus began to feel distress and anguish)
(Mark 14,33)
He knew sadness: ( My soul is very sorrowful even to death) ( Matthew 26, 38 )
He knew our distress ( In great anguish he prayed even more fervently; his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground . ) ( Luke 22,44)
“ But Christ knowingly and voluntarily chose to be born in order to experience our human condition, i.e the limitation imposed by a physical body including experiencing pain and suffering, to save humanity. This realization hit me when I was listening to the preaching of our priest at the Sunday mass in New York during Christmas.” ( Maurice).
Nicole et Maurice, I stop here today.
Trust that I continue to think of you and, of course, to pray very hard for you.
I know that God takes care of you because He loves you,
He, who is Infinite Tenderness...
I warmly give both of you a big hug.
Roby.
2 February 2007.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Day 45 Singapore march 1, 2007 - 14.23 hrs
Already the first day of March. Nicole is feeling much better. The side effects of the chemo drugs are less debilitating. She still feels tired but she is eating well, which is important.
I have been doing the cooking and appear to have found her favorite dish: Mauritian curry in coconut paste with vegetables like long beans, lalo and lettuce.
Her sister, Ivy, is arriving soon.
I have been doing the cooking and appear to have found her favorite dish: Mauritian curry in coconut paste with vegetables like long beans, lalo and lettuce.
Her sister, Ivy, is arriving soon.
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