It has been quite a while that we had a "normal" day. We went to the 6.30 am mass at Novena church. Then Nicole was able to prepare her own breakfast. She and Ivy went out with Anna to attend a prayer group followed by lunch.
I was able to go the gym, did work out and went to Funan centre to get some supplies for my printer. It is so encouraging to see Nicole active again. I do hope that the next medical check up will show that the chemo drugs have been very effective. I was able to do some work and catch up with some reading. If only we could get the good news that Nicole is healed!
I just cannot stop thinking from time to time that there are cancer cells in her body. Although I say to myself that we have to enjoy fully the present moment, I guess it is human to think that she has cancer. Life cannot be the same as before! It is not easy to adopt a new way of living. But when I look deeply at life, I recognize that life is full of uncertainty. But yet, I have difficulty accepting the uncertain future I am facing! This is where I have to have faith in God. In fact in Christ! He is the one who reveals himself through the Gospel. He has been a human being and my intellect tells me that I have to let go and trust him. But I have yet to experience this need to let go in my guts, I am still holding back. I have difficulty reciting the " traditional prayers" - words that people have already used. I feel more at ease using my own words. Am I not humble enough? Anyway this period of Lent is giving me the opportunity to re examine my relation with Jesus Christ. How do I relate to Him? The one thing I know is that I am not afraid of Him. I know he loves me - "intellectual insight" not emotional one. Has anyone experience the feeling of closeness with Christ? I guess there are persons who have had this emotional experience. Well I guess I am lucky that I am being prompted to search. We call this Grace. Thank you Lord! Walk with me and hold my hands through this journey.
" The Lord is my shepherd,
there is nothing I lack.
In green pastures you let me graze;
to safe waters you lead me;
you restore my strength.
You guide me along the right path
for the sake of your name.
Even when I walk through a dark valley,
I fear no harm for you are at my side;
your rod and staff give me courage." Psalm 23
How I wish i could have the faith of the writer of this Psalm!
Good night.
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