Friday, January 1, 2010
Day 1080 Singapore January 1, 2010 - 22.07 hrs
First day of the year. A quiet day, enjoying life. Thank you God for all Your Blessing.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Day 1077 Singapore December 29, 2009 - 23.36 hrs
Nicole has finished the second cycle of chemo yesterday. The blood counts are holding well. She feels tired easily and she does experience the side effects of the chemo drugs. She will have a one week break and then a blood test to check on the progress made.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Singapore Dec 2, 2009 - 22.36 hrs
To all my family and relatives and friends who read this blog...
Having cancer is like being on a never ending journey.....As you all already know ... I did my first chemo session today..it was not so bad..I'm having two chemo drugs , apparently not so brutal...I may still lose my hair after the 2nd cycle but I think that I'm more prepared for everything this time. The side effects are usually felt after the 3rd day...so we'll see...After I rested this afternoon I went for my daily nordic walking in the botanical gardens...When I was in Germany I discovered nordic walking....I find it really enjoyable..i love it!!
The last year had been full of new experiences for me..I've learnt quite a few things that i think is making me into a different person.
I 'm learning to " let life flow"...I'm learning to let go of "control"...I'm learning to change my thoughts to change my emotions..my .emotions are directly connected to my white cells...which usually can kill my cancer cells...we all have stress ..what's important is the dealing of it...my inner healing mechanism is strong and i must believe in it... Daily relaxation exercises 2 or 3 times a day...is a good way to allow our own body to heal itself...
Well! I may not know how long i may live..but what i'm experiencing now is that life can be lived fully and can be good.
Your prayers I must thank you all..they are a great asset to me. My spirit had been high most of the times...and i'm learning a different way of relating to God...my faith in Him had grown...I no longer feel so scared...He is my shepherd..i don't know where He is leading me but I know He loves me and I trust Him.
Cure for cancer up to now has not been found...conventional as well as complementary are still both struggling ...luckily this time my oncologist in Singapore is more open to communicate to my doctors in Germany and NY. That's a big plus.
Anybody who is a christian and believes in the bible...there is a fantastic DVD called Psalm 23 for people with cancer presented by Ken Curtis (He himself is a cancer patient)...really inspirational...a must have..It can bring you so much hope ....and peace.
I think I'll stop here...thank you all again for your prayers, for your love and affection...Love , Nicole
Having cancer is like being on a never ending journey.....As you all already know ... I did my first chemo session today..it was not so bad..I'm having two chemo drugs , apparently not so brutal...I may still lose my hair after the 2nd cycle but I think that I'm more prepared for everything this time. The side effects are usually felt after the 3rd day...so we'll see...After I rested this afternoon I went for my daily nordic walking in the botanical gardens...When I was in Germany I discovered nordic walking....I find it really enjoyable..i love it!!
The last year had been full of new experiences for me..I've learnt quite a few things that i think is making me into a different person.
I 'm learning to " let life flow"...I'm learning to let go of "control"...I'm learning to change my thoughts to change my emotions..my .emotions are directly connected to my white cells...which usually can kill my cancer cells...we all have stress ..what's important is the dealing of it...my inner healing mechanism is strong and i must believe in it... Daily relaxation exercises 2 or 3 times a day...is a good way to allow our own body to heal itself...
Well! I may not know how long i may live..but what i'm experiencing now is that life can be lived fully and can be good.
Your prayers I must thank you all..they are a great asset to me. My spirit had been high most of the times...and i'm learning a different way of relating to God...my faith in Him had grown...I no longer feel so scared...He is my shepherd..i don't know where He is leading me but I know He loves me and I trust Him.
Cure for cancer up to now has not been found...conventional as well as complementary are still both struggling ...luckily this time my oncologist in Singapore is more open to communicate to my doctors in Germany and NY. That's a big plus.
Anybody who is a christian and believes in the bible...there is a fantastic DVD called Psalm 23 for people with cancer presented by Ken Curtis (He himself is a cancer patient)...really inspirational...a must have..It can bring you so much hope ....and peace.
I think I'll stop here...thank you all again for your prayers, for your love and affection...Love , Nicole
Day 1050 - Singapore December 2, 2009 - 22.23 hrs
Nicole had a chemo session, the first of this series of 6 cycles. Hopefully she would not have to do the 6 cycles. The session went well and this was done in Dr Wong medical day clinic.
After the chemo, Nicole had lunch at the food court of the hospital. She had a rest and then went for a walk in the Botanical garden.
Our spirit is ok and we were reminded today by Dr Wong that God is the Healer and to put our trust in God.
Another day ends.
After the chemo, Nicole had lunch at the food court of the hospital. She had a rest and then went for a walk in the Botanical garden.
Our spirit is ok and we were reminded today by Dr Wong that God is the Healer and to put our trust in God.
Another day ends.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Day 1049 - Singapore Decmber 1, 2009 - 0.22 hrs
We saw Dr Ngoi to see if he could do surgery to remove the tumor. Nicole had an MRI done last Thursday. The MRI shows that there are three tumors. Given the size of the tumors, Dr Ngoi is recommending chemo to reduce the size of the tumor before surgery. So we met Dr Karmen Wong who is prescribing Taxol and Carboplatin plus possibly Avastin - she is planning to give chemo in 6 cycles of 3 weeks per cycle - with chemo week 1 and week 2 followed by a break on the third week. Given that she knows we are not too keen on chemo, she asked us to think about the prescription and then decide. We mentioned that we are are going to ask the opinion of Dr Demuth at Hufeland Clinic in Germany and Dr Gonzalez in New York.
I spoke to Dr Demuth. In his opinion, if there is a need for chemo to reduce the size of the tumors, then he is for the chemo, provided that Nicole does not have to have the full six cycles. He thinks that we would see the effect of the chemo on the tumors after three cycles and if the tumors have reduced in size, then Nicole needs to have the surgery to remove them. If there is no significant reduction in the size of the tumors, then Nicole needs to stop the chemo. I was comforted to hear the opinion of Dr Demuth. Nicole can have the Vitamin C infusion prescribed by Dr Demuth while she is undergoing chemo.
We both have to get comfortable with the idea that Nicole has to undergo chemo again. We know the damage done by chemo but at the same time we know that chemo can kill these cancer cells. We hope that Nicole will be able to support the chemo.
Dr Wong asked us to pray so that we can take the right decision and we certainly put our trust in God. While our spirit was down after our meeting with both doctors, we are encouraged by the support that we are getting from family members, relatives and friends.
This is a new stage of our life journey. The Lord is walking with us.
I spoke to Dr Demuth. In his opinion, if there is a need for chemo to reduce the size of the tumors, then he is for the chemo, provided that Nicole does not have to have the full six cycles. He thinks that we would see the effect of the chemo on the tumors after three cycles and if the tumors have reduced in size, then Nicole needs to have the surgery to remove them. If there is no significant reduction in the size of the tumors, then Nicole needs to stop the chemo. I was comforted to hear the opinion of Dr Demuth. Nicole can have the Vitamin C infusion prescribed by Dr Demuth while she is undergoing chemo.
We both have to get comfortable with the idea that Nicole has to undergo chemo again. We know the damage done by chemo but at the same time we know that chemo can kill these cancer cells. We hope that Nicole will be able to support the chemo.
Dr Wong asked us to pray so that we can take the right decision and we certainly put our trust in God. While our spirit was down after our meeting with both doctors, we are encouraged by the support that we are getting from family members, relatives and friends.
This is a new stage of our life journey. The Lord is walking with us.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Day 1039 Singapore November 21, 2009 - 21.20 hrs
We got the results of the PET scan today. The bad news is that the tumor is now bigger than its was on March 2009. It is now 108X55 mm compared to 60X35 mm previously. The good news is that there is no other cancer activity.
Dr Wong suggested that Nicole consults Dr Ngoi to see if the tumor could be removed by surgery. Dr Ngoi is not in Singapore and will be back on Nov 28.
Another option is for chemotherapy to shrink the tumor and then surgery.
Given that the tumor is not bothering Nicole, Dr Wong suggested that we wait to see Dr Ngoi.
We asked about Nicole having a low dose of chemo meanwhile. Dr Wong prescribed a combination of Endoxan and Methotrexate for 2 months.
We are indeed facing a complex situation as pointed out by Dr Wong. There is no sign of the tumor causing any serious problem and yet the tumor is growing. Do we wait until there is some complication or do we do something now- surgery to remove it, if possible; high dosage of chemo?
We shall consult Dr Gonzalez and Hufeland clinic for more guidance.
We thank God that there is no life threatening development and pray the Holy Spirit to guide us.
Nicole is of course worried. She is feeling the pressure of the tumor.
I am also worried but I remind myself of the talks from the Simonton Session. Conventional doctors have a tendency to be alarmists. I am saying to myself that there is time to consult Dr Gonzalez and Hufeland clinic before we decide on the appropriate course of action.
Another day ends.
Dr Wong suggested that Nicole consults Dr Ngoi to see if the tumor could be removed by surgery. Dr Ngoi is not in Singapore and will be back on Nov 28.
Another option is for chemotherapy to shrink the tumor and then surgery.
Given that the tumor is not bothering Nicole, Dr Wong suggested that we wait to see Dr Ngoi.
We asked about Nicole having a low dose of chemo meanwhile. Dr Wong prescribed a combination of Endoxan and Methotrexate for 2 months.
We are indeed facing a complex situation as pointed out by Dr Wong. There is no sign of the tumor causing any serious problem and yet the tumor is growing. Do we wait until there is some complication or do we do something now- surgery to remove it, if possible; high dosage of chemo?
We shall consult Dr Gonzalez and Hufeland clinic for more guidance.
We thank God that there is no life threatening development and pray the Holy Spirit to guide us.
Nicole is of course worried. She is feeling the pressure of the tumor.
I am also worried but I remind myself of the talks from the Simonton Session. Conventional doctors have a tendency to be alarmists. I am saying to myself that there is time to consult Dr Gonzalez and Hufeland clinic before we decide on the appropriate course of action.
Another day ends.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Day 1037 Singapore November 19, 2009 - 22.29hrs
We are back in Singapore. Nicole had a blood test last week. The CA marker readings are higher. Dr Karmen Wong recommended that Nicole has a PET scan. Initially Nicole did not welcome the suggestion as she felt there was no need for such a scan.
However, since the beginning of the week, she has been feeling some pressure in her lower abdomen. We consulted Dr Gonzalez who recommended a PET scan. So tomorrow Nicole is having the scan and we shall see Dr Karmen Wong on Saturday for the results.
Coming back to Singapore has made us aware again that Nicole's illness is still there. We have had a few months during which we were able to live a "normal" life, not having to worry of medical checks and whether the cancer is progressing or is under control.
Since the beginning of the week, we both have been worried that the cancer might be gaining ground. We shall have a clearer picture by Saturday afternoon.
I keep reminding myself that God is giving us the gift of life every morning when I wake up. However, it is not easy to have to constantly make the effort to fight for life, take all the capsules, follow a strict diet and still feel that there is no progress being made.
We keep reminding ourselves of the lessons learned at Hufeland clinic and Carl Simonton workshop. Each time, I am worried, I do mindful breathing and challenge my thinking with healthy thoughts.
It is going to be three years since we found that Nicole has cancer. It was in November 2006 that Nicole started feeling some pain in her ribcage when we were in Mauritius. We were on our way to New York to spend Christmas and New Year with Bert and Greg.
God has blessed us during these last three years.
However, since the beginning of the week, she has been feeling some pressure in her lower abdomen. We consulted Dr Gonzalez who recommended a PET scan. So tomorrow Nicole is having the scan and we shall see Dr Karmen Wong on Saturday for the results.
Coming back to Singapore has made us aware again that Nicole's illness is still there. We have had a few months during which we were able to live a "normal" life, not having to worry of medical checks and whether the cancer is progressing or is under control.
Since the beginning of the week, we both have been worried that the cancer might be gaining ground. We shall have a clearer picture by Saturday afternoon.
I keep reminding myself that God is giving us the gift of life every morning when I wake up. However, it is not easy to have to constantly make the effort to fight for life, take all the capsules, follow a strict diet and still feel that there is no progress being made.
We keep reminding ourselves of the lessons learned at Hufeland clinic and Carl Simonton workshop. Each time, I am worried, I do mindful breathing and challenge my thinking with healthy thoughts.
It is going to be three years since we found that Nicole has cancer. It was in November 2006 that Nicole started feeling some pain in her ribcage when we were in Mauritius. We were on our way to New York to spend Christmas and New Year with Bert and Greg.
God has blessed us during these last three years.
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