Another day and new discoveries. Nicole woke up full of energy but very quickly her mood changed. The thought of another session of chemo therapy next week is just frightening. The first session was not a good experience as we did not know what to expect plus a sub standard quality of health care by the staff of the hospital made Nicole's experience a traumatic one. Thus the apprehension and fear. I hope that we shall have a much better experience.
Bob left us in the morning heading back to Mauritius. He has helped Nicole clarify a few personal issues and assist her to feel comfortable to express what she wants. At times Nicole feels like talking to family members, relatives or friends and at times she does not feel like talking to anybody. Today she is in no mood to talk to anybody.
So we are keeping on to ourselves.
Harold called during is transit on his way back to Mauritius. I was happy to hear from Florise who mentioned that she will pray for us at the Saturday meditation meeting in Mauritius. Tomorrow both Nicole and I shall join the family in spirit during the family mass at 10.00 am Mauritius time.
Nicole was having a lot of gas in her intestine which cause her a lot of discomfort. I bought some enzymes tablets that appear to help. Her lower back is still hurting.
We had a vegetarian lunch and at 13.45 hrs we had a massage at the American Club. It is a calming experience for both of us.
I feel that we have a long journey ahead of us. We have seen only the beginning. I have a feeling that we have not seen the worst yet as I expect that further chemo sessions will weaken Nicole, and she will feel more of the possible side effects.
Nicole keeps asking me why is God putting her through this ordeal and test. I answer her that God is not putting her to test. Our God is not a God of testing a person. Our God is a God of infinite and unconditional love and caring. It is our human condition and our limited physical being that experience pain and suffering. Nicole pointed rightly that Christ did suffer as a human being. She now can feel only to a small degree the suffering of Christ.
Maybe Father Bathfield could explain the mystery of pain and suffering from the religious angle.
The mystery for me is that we did not choose to be born. But Christ knowingly and voluntarily chose to be born in order to experience our human condition, i.e the limitation imposed by a physical body including experiencing pain and suffering, to save humanity. This realization hit me when I was listening to the preaching of our priest at the Sunday mass in New York during Christmas.
Nicole is resting and is encouraging to have some time of my own. Sharing with you is an avenue for me to recharge my batteries.
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