Singapore January 24th, 2007 - 18.41 hrs
Day One after the first chemo session. Nicole's mood was not up at all. She is feeing tired and is in pain. I served her breakfast with a rice brown protein drink, after whcih she was not feeling well. Bob has arrived with a lot of mangoes and letchi. Gilly- thanks for these mangoes. Annette thanks for the letchis.

We had roti prata for lunch and Nicole ate a piece with us.

She is now having a massage at the American Club which gives me some time to write this.

It is indeed a very trying time for both of us. I simply cannot accept the idea that Nicole is being attacked by this cancer. I feel so helpless when she is in pain, both physically and emotionally. How do I comfort her in these difficult moments, in these moments of despair. At times I am angry at her gyne - how can she have missed this? Nicole has been so punctual going for her check-ups. She is so acutely conscious of taking care of herself. She has such a clean bill of health that our family doctor always says that she will live a long life.


At the same time, this illness is making me realize that I am on a journey with her. we have traveled so far for these last 36 years together. We are now entering the last leg of this journey. God is giving us this unique opportunity to travel together by being more aware of the gift of life. Now I realize the importance of living the NOW. I savour every second I spend with Nicole. Little things that we take for granted. She wanted to have a haircut before the chemo, even knowing that she will lose her hair in 2 weeks time. We went for a haircut at Rick saloon. Rick has been cutting our hair since 1994. We were alone and I waited for Nicole to have her haircut and she waited for me to have mine. This is the first time we waited for each other, Formerly I would go to the American Club or seh would go shopping.